Gravity Falls Review: “Weirdmageddon Part 3: Take Back The Falls” (S2E20)

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“There, that’s the last bit of unicorn hair we need.”

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“Bravo, Ms. Shelf! How on earth were you able to acquire such a rarity?”

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“Well, it wasn’t easy. Those unicorns really took what I said about them in “The Last Mabelcorn” to heart. Apologies were in order…and I had to promise I’d seriously consider reviewing a certain magical equine series once this mess is wrapped up.”

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“If we make this out alive, I’m gonna have SO much fun ripping into Flurry Heart.”

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“We’ll worry about who’s reviewing what when the time comes. There’s just one more thing.”

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“The deal I technically made with Bill granted me near anonymity with my reviews; no photos, no talking to a camera. Barely anyone out there knows what I really look like. If we defeat him, the deal ends, and I’m exposed.”

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“Well, it can’t be as bad as all that, can it? It’d be nice to have a face to go along with these reviews you’ve been faithfully inscribing these past three years.”

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“I know, Baron. But what if I disappoint people with how I look? Or what if a recruiter or an important company person looking for someone to do the kind of work I want to do recognizes me here, and my writing turns them away from hiring me?”

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“It’s as you just said; we’ll deal with it when the time comes. Don’t you want to be free of this tiny plastic prison William has sequestered you in?”

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“I…yeah, I do. One way or another, Bill’s going down. And I for one can’t think of a better day to deliver his geometric ass on a platter to him.”

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“And what exactly is so special about today, if I may ask?”


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Hello again, fleshbags! It turns out the Olympics are really boring, especially once they get into that “ain’t world peace and cooperation great” baloney. So I figured on today, the two year anniversary of my ultimate triumph, I’ll take a look back and revisit my moments of glory as your universe fell on to its knees and accepted me as its true lord and master for all eternity.

What? You don’t remember it going down that way? Someone needs to get their head checked, heh heh heh.

ALLOW ME.

Continue reading

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Gravity Falls Reviews: “Weirdmageddon Part 2 – Escape From Reality”

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“Boss, aren’t you gonna continue reviewing the rest of Weirdmageddon?”

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“Pfft, why review something I already lived, Eight-Ball? Besides, the Olympics are on. I’ve got a bet with Pyronica to see which team crashes and burns the most.”

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“But what if someone else gets to it first, like that Shelf reviewer?”

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“Oh don’t worry, freak. Mabel’s bubble was one of the most diabolical things I ever concocted, and the episode surrounding it is no different for any reviewer…especially her…”


 

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“Argh! The key to stopping Bill is right there, I can feel it! I just wish I had something more to go on than his narcissistic ramblings.”

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“Perhaps looking at the next episode in the lineup might help?”

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“Well, Bill’s barely in that one, but all right. Can’t think of anything particularly useful I can do at the moment anyway.”

Continuing from the previous episode, Soos, Wendy and Dipper enter the bubble Bill has imprisoned Mabel in –

gollum3

“Uh, not to harp on continuity, but don’t you usually do a “Previously on Gravity Falls” before each recap?”

Previously on Gravity Falls: Bill has merged his dimension with ours, it’s the endtimes, Dipper’s got to find and rescue Mabel so they can figure out what to do next, blah blah blah.
Go here to catch up on Gravity Falls from the beginning.

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“How insightful.”

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“You’re not the one writing the review without looking over your shoulder for Bill every five minutes, Cynicism.”

Continue reading

Gravity Falls Reviews: Weirdmageddon Part 1 (S2E18) (As Translated by Up On the Shelf)

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“Ms. Shelf, thank heavens we found you! Are you all right?”

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“Well seeing as how I’ve spent the past few weeks trapped inside a vinyl figure forced to watch as a being of infinite nightmares wreaks havoc on my blog, I gotta say Baron, things could be better.”

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“Good to hear. Now all we have to worry about is how to get rid of Triangle Man without him turning our heads into jelly.”

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“True, though I have a feeling Bill would be more dangerously creative than just old-fashioned jello-fication. Actually, the more I think about it, why would Bill attempt another takeover in a fashion similar to his first? I mean, apart from ultimate power and domination it makes no sense, not even for a being like him.”

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“Perhaps his most recent ramblings could give us some insight. Unfortunately I’ve attempted to translate it from Greek, Russian, Latin, and even French, and the answers have still eluded me.”

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“Lemme take a look…”

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“If my guess is correct, that’s not another language. It’s a code! All we’d have to do is run it through a translator and we’re golden!”

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“Think you could do the honors? Not everyone’s got the patience or time on their hands that you have.”

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*sigh* “Nice to know that Weirdmageddon hasn’t changed you either, Cynicism.”


What? You never watch Gravity Falls before? HAHAHAHA what a loser!

Previously on Gravity Falls: I, the glorious and now three-dimensional Bill Cipher cleverly manipulated a bunch of dumb humans into releasing me from my pitiful Nightmare Realm into their dimension! Yesterday Gravity Falls, today this blog, tomorrow the cosmos!

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Hey kids! It’s your old pal Bill Cipher, and I’m taking control of this blog now! Who wants to hear about how I began to conquer the universe?!

Having finally achieved physical form I introduce myself and my crew of interdimensional nightmares to my new fleshy subjects and tell them we’re calling the shots in this world now. Yet they make the big mistake of vowing to defy me; all except Preston Northwest, who for one welcomes his new triangular overlord and is more than happy to push other less rich lifeforms under the bus to save his own skin. Of course what he doesn’t know is that I recognize a professional ass kisser when I see one, and I reward him as such.

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I plan on doing the same thing to Trump when I come to collect on the deal we made back in ’16, except I’m switching his mouth with his ass to see if anyone can tell the difference!

With that loser out of the way, I begin decorating this normal little sad sack of an existence – stopping time, madness bubbles in the air, eyeball bats turning people into stone so they can make up my throne, and a giant pyramid in the sky to crash in. It’s the little things that make a place feel like home.

Now who wants to count how many satanic messages I’ve hidden in this special intro? First one to watch without blinking loses their soul!

Continue reading

Meanwhile…

“Shelf! SHELF!!! Where is she…any luck, Baron?”

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“No, I was distracted by an old acquaintance who then inexplicably turned from a beautiful lady into a rotund winged fellow, and then into a strange mechanical man who told me to do something to his shining metal posterior which one doesn’t repeat in polite conversation.”

gollum3

“Yeesh, don’t envy you there. It’s hopeless. She vanished right after Bill arrived. You don’t think she ditched us, do you?”

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“Madam, you do your counterpart a disservice! She would never abandon us in this hour of need. Are quite sure you searched all the places where she can normally be found? If not then it’s unfortunately rather likely this Bill must have entrapped her so he could move forward with his nefarious plans.”

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“Geez, how many times do I have to tell you, I searched the entire house! Up and down, in and out, every nook and cranny! All I could find in her room was this Mabel figure right in front of her computer -“

gollum4

“…Ohhhhhhhh……”

TO BE CONTINUED…

JUDYLWB IDOOV UHYLHZV: ZHLUGPDJHGGRQ SDUW 1 (V2H18)

Zkdw? Brx qhyhu zdwfk JUDYLWB IDOOV ehiruh? KDKDKDKD zkdw d orvhu!

Suhylrxvob rq Judylwb Idoov: L, wkh jorulrxv dqg qrz wkuhh-glphqvlrqdo Eloo Flskhu fohyhuob pdqlsxodwhg d exqfk ri gxpe kxpdqv lqwr uhohdvlqj ph iurp pb slwlixo Qljkwpduh Uhdop lqwr wkhlu glphqvlrq! Bhvwhugdb Judylwb Idoov, wrgdb wklv eorj, wrpruurz wkh frvprv!

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Khb nlgv! Lw’v brxu rog sdo Eloo Flskhu, dqg L’p wdnlqj frqwuro ri wklv eorj qrz! Zkr zdqwv wr khdu derxw krz L ehjdq wr frqtxhu wkh xqlyhuvh?!

Kdylqj ilqdoob dfklhyhg skbvlfdo irup L lqwurgxfh pbvhoi dqg pb fuhz ri lqwhuglphqvlrqdo qljkwpduhv wr pb qhz iohvkb vxemhfwv dqg whoo wkhp zh’uh fdoolqj wkh vkrwv lq wklv zruog qrz. Bhw wkhb pdnh wkh elj plvwdnh ri yrzlqj wr ghib ph; doo hafhsw Suhvwrq Qruwkzhvw, zkr iru rqh zhofrphv klv qhz wuldqjxodu ryhuorug dqg lv pruh wkdq kdssb wr sxvk rwkhu ohvv ulfk olihirupv xqghu wkh exv wr vdyh klv rzq vnlq. Ri frxuvh zkdw kh grhvq’w nqrz lv wkdw L uhfrjqlch d surihvvlrqdo dvv nlvvhu zkhq L vhh rqh, dqg L uhzdug klp dv vxfk.

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L sodq rq grlqj wkh vdph wklqj wr Wuxps zkhq L frph wr froohfw rq wkh ghdo zh pdgh edfn lq ’16, hafhsw L’p vzlwfklqj klv prxwk zlwk klv dvv wr vhh li dqbrqh fdq whoo wkh gliihuhqfh!

Zlwk wkdw orvhu rxw ri wkh zdb, L ehjlq ghfrudwlqj wklv qrupdo olwwoh vdg vdfn ri dq halvwhqfh – vwrsslqj wlph, pdgqhvv exeeohv lq wkh dlu, hbhedoo edwv wxuqlqj shrsoh lqwr vwrqh vr wkhb fdq pdnh xs pb wkurqh, dqg d jldqw sbudplg lq wkh vnb wr fudvk lq. Lw’v wkh olwwoh wklqjv wkdw pdnh d sodfh ihho olnh krph.

Qrz zkr zdqwv wr frxqw krz pdqb vdwdqlf phvvdjhv L’yh klgghq lq wklv vshfldo lqwur? Iluvw rqh wr zdwfk zlwkrxw eolqnlqj orvhv wkhlu vrxo!

Brx’uh suredeob zrqghulqj derxw Irugvb dqg Slqh Wuhh uljkw derxw qrz, duhq’w fkd? Qrw wr zruub, wkhb wklqn wkhb’yh jrw d sodq wr wrssoh ph. Ri frxuvh Irug lq klv lqilqlwh vleolqj-kdwlqj zlvgrp wkhb fdq gr lw dqg orrn iru Pdeho odwhu. Kd! Wkh jxb qhyhu ohduqv! Kh wkurzv dzdb klv vkrw zkhq kh plvvhv dqg doprvw uxlqv pb qlfh qhz kdw. Ehfdxvh L’p lq d jhqhurxv prrg dqg kh’v wkh rqh zkr exlow wkh sruwdo lq wkh iluvw sodfh, L pdnh pb vwdqgdug riihu ri srzhu dqg idph li kh mrlqv xv (kh’v jrw vla ilqjhuv vr kh’oo ilw uljkw lq zlwk wkh uhvw ri xv iuhdnlvk derplqdwlrqv!), exw rqfh djdlq kh wxuqv ph grzq. Dqg khuh L wkrxjkw kh wkrxjkw kh zdv d jhqlxv. Vr L wxuq klp lqwr d jrog edfnvfudwfkhu. Zkdw? Kxpdqv oryh jrog! Grhvq’w brxu suhvlghqw ghfrudwh klv wrzhuv dqg edwkh klpvhoi lq lw ru vrphwklqj?

Dv iru Slqh Wuhh, zhoo, kh fdq’w ilqg dq dqvzhu wr ehdw ph lq wkrvh eulooldqw Mrxuqdov ri klv, exw kh uhvsrqgv eb wublqj wr sxqfk ph lq wkh hbh dqbzdb! Zkdw d wurrshu! Vr L wudgh rqh vlfn exuq iru dqrwkhu.

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Skhz, jrrgebh Mrxuqdov! Brx zrxogq’w eholhyh wkh qxpehu ri hpeduudvvlqj wklqjv Irug zurwh derxw ph lq wkhuh! Doprvw dv edg dv Slqh Wuhh/Vkrrwlqj Vwdu idqilfwlrq! Dzz, zkdw’v wkh pdwwhu, vdg wkdw brxu idyrulwh pdjlfdo errnb-zrrn lv doo jrqh qrz? Khuh, kdyh pb shuvrqdo idyrulwh uhdglqj olvw!

•Wkh Iruelgghq Vfuroov ri wkh Hoghu Flylolcdwlrq ri ALJKRSQAVXQLDC
•Wkh Errn ri Uhyhodwlrqv
•Ehkrog d Sdoh Kruvh
•Wkh Qhfurqrplfrq
•Wkh Duw ri wkh Ghdo

Flskhu fkrvhq, Fkwkxox dssuryhg!

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L DSSURYH.

Vlqfh L ohiw pb frsb ri Wkh Wrs 100 Wklqjv L’g Gr Li L Hyhu Ehfdph Dq Hylo Ryhuorug edfn lq pb qljkwpduh uhdop, L glvsdwfk wzr ri pb jrrqv wr hdw Slqh Wuhh lqvwhdg ri nloolqj klp pbvhoi edfn wkhuh. Zkrrsv! Kh hvfdshv wkhp dqg klghv rxw lq wkh pdoo zkhuh kh phhwv Zhqgb, zkr’v jrqh lqwr dsrfdobsvh vxuylydo prgh. Wkh hbhedoov iurch khu iulhqgv exw vkh hvfdshg dqg lv zdlwlqj rxw wkh hqg ri wkh zruog zlwk Wreb Ghwhuplqhg.

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Rrsv, “Ergdflrxv W”. Zhlugpdjhggrq uhdoob grhv eulqj rxw wkh fudcb lq hyhubrqh.

Phdqzkloh pb Ihdu-dplg sduwb jhwv fudvkhg eb pb idyrulwh shrsoh, wkh Wlph Srolfh, dqg wkhlu ohdghu Wlph Edeb, wkh odvw ri d udfh ri doo-srzhuixo wlph jldqwv wkdw L pdb ru pdb qrw kdyh ehhq uhvsrqvleoh iru wkh hawlqfwlrq ri. Vkhhvk, vrph shrsoh mxvw fdq’w ohw jr ri d juxgjh. Eohqglq Eodqglq ohg wkhp wkhuh diwhu L vwrsshg srvvhvvlqj klp dqg kh’v xsvhw wkdw L wrrn ryhu klv ergb zlwkrxw klv frqvhqw (lq pb ghihqvh, kh vkrxogq’w guhvv vr suryrfdwlyhob.) Wlph Edeb’v doo “Li brx nhhs vsuhdglqj brxu fkdrv brx wkuhdwhq wkh yhub ideulf ri halvwhqfh” dqg L uhvsrqg eb eodvwlqj klp dqg d vklw ordg ri frsv lqwr qrwklqj zlwk d cds ri pb ilqjhu.

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Lq rughu wr jhw wklv rq wkh Glvqhb Fkdqqho L kdg wr pdnh d ghdo zlwk d slwlixo hahfxwlyh zkr zdqwhg Ghvfhqgdqwv juhhqolw. Ixfn lw, lw zdv zruwk lw!

Zhqgb dqg Slqh Wuhh wdnh lq wkhlu vxuurxqglqjv dqg uhvroyh wr ilqg dqg uhvfxh Pdeho, zkrp L’yh wudsshg lq d jldqw exeeoh rq wkh rxwvnluwv ri wrzq. Vr wkhb udlg wkh orfdo dedqgrqhg dxwr pduw iru vrph zkhhov exw jhw vxuurxqghg eb wkh orfdo Pdg Pda euljdgh, wkh xqghuolqjv wr pb qhz xqghuolqj.

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Bhs, Olo’ Jlghrq’v edfn iru uhyhqjh! Lq hafkdqjh iru ph vhwwlqj klp iuhh iurp sulvrq zkhq Zhlugpdjhggrq klw, wkh zklwh kdluhg kdwh-iloohg olwwoh plvfuhdqw hqirufhv pb wbudqqb rq zkrphyhu’v ohiw wr vxemxjdwh; kh’v pb Plnh Shqfh, li brx zloo. L dovr jdyh klp wkh krqru ri kroglqj wkh nhb wr Pdeho’v exeeoh, vrphwklqj wr nhhs klp kdssb dqg rxw ri pb kdlu vlqfh kh zdqwv khu vr pxfk. Kh’v uhdgb wr kdxo Slqh Wuhh dqg Zhqgb edfn wr pb Ihdu-dplg vr L fdq sxqlvk wkhp. Exw Zhqgb euhdnv Jkrvw-Hbh’v dup, krogv Jlghrq krvwdjh zkloh vkh vqdwfkhv wkh nhb dqg d fdu, dqg gursnlfnv klp lqwr klv sulvrq plqlrqv olnh d prwkhuixfnlqj zduulru txhhq.

Rndb, L dp d wuloolrq bhdu rog lqwhuglphqvlrqdo ehlqj zkr nqrzv qr oryh qru zdqwv wr, exw GDPQ L zrxog wkurz hyhubwklqj dvlgh wr eh zlwk khu uljkw wkhq dqg wkhuh.

Jlghrq dqg klv jrrqv jlyh fkdvh wkurxjkrxw wkh zdvwhodqg ehfdxvh zkdw nlqg ri dsrfdobsvh zrxog lw eh li zh glgq’w kdyh rxwodqglvkob guhvvhg zduulruv udflqj rxw rq wkh urdg? D gxoo dv khoo rqh, L whoo brx. Zhqgb, Slqh Wuhh, Jlghrq dqg Jkrvw Hbhv duh irufhg wr gulyh wkurxjk pdgqhvv exeeohv zklfk fkdqjh wkhlu dsshdudqfh wr elugv, dqlph fkdudfwhuv, oxqfkhrq phdw fuhdwxuhv, dqg wkh zruvw wklqjv ri doo – slqnlvk iuhdnv zlwk qr ryhuelwh, wlqb hbhv, dqg kdqgv zkrvh ilqjhu frxqw grq’w vzlwfk ehwzhhq irxu dqg ilyh ghshqglqj rq wkh dqlpdwru!

WKH KRUURU!!Wkhb pdnh lw ryhu d mxps exw fudvk wkh fdu. Wkhq wkhb ilqg Vrrv, zkr kdv ehhq orrnlqj iru wkhp zkloh prvw olnhob vxuylylqj rii klv lqilqlwh slccd vxssob. Kh dovr hvwdeolvkhg klpvhoi dv d iron khur khoslqj shrsoh rxw dqg kdylqj vrqjv zulwwhq derxw klp. Li L nqhz d wklqj ru wzr derxw pxvlf L’g vlqj rqh uljkw qrz, exw L’g udwkhu vlqj derxw pb pdgqhvv dqg ghvwuxfwlrq lq Zhlugpdjhggrq.

Eb wkh zdb, gr brx zdqw wr nqrz zkdw kdsshqhg wr wkh hahf zkr ghflghg wr fxw wkdw qxpehu iurp wkh hslvrgh? Olvwhq fduhixoob dw qljkw ehiruh brx jr wr vohhs.

Mxvw dv brxu hbholgv duh forvlqj, brx’oo khdu vrphwklqj idu dzdb, vrphwklqj idlqw.

Lv lw d vfudwfklqj?

D zklvshulqj?

D vfuhdp?

Brx’oo vwudlq wr khdu lw dv wkh qljkw jurzv gdunhu.

Vxuh hqrxjk, lw jurzv orxghu.

Lw lqfkhv forvhu, jdvslqj.

Vfuhhfklqj.

Brx judvs brxu eodqnhw wr sxoo lw ryhu brxu khdg, exw wrr odwh.

Lw’v uljkw qhaw wr brx.

Dqg wkdw vrxqg zloo eh doo brx’oo hyhu khdu djdlq.

 

Dqbzdb, Jlghrq dqg klv jdqj fdwfk xs dqg vxuurxqg wkhp. Jlghrq vxpprqv pb hbh-edwv wr vqdwfk Slqh Wuhh dqg Zhqgb dqg wdnhv wkh rssruwxqlwb wr jordw derxw Pdeho ehlqj klv iruhyhu lq wkh phdqwlph. Slqh Wuhh txhvwlrqv li nhhslqj khu hqwudsshg lq d jldqw exeeoh uhdoob grhv pdnh khu klv, zklfk sodqwv vrph grxew lq Jlghrq’v plqg. Slqh Wuhh’v ohduqhg d wklqj ru wzr derxw wublqj wr jhw vrphrqh wr oryh brx wkrxjk, dqg vkduhv lw zlwk Jlghrq; qdphob wkdw wublqj wr eh wkh ehvw shuvrq brx fdq eh iru wkh remhfw ri brxu diihfwlrq zloo zrun zrqghuv dv rssrvhg wr irufh, hvshfldoob li wkdw phdqv vwdqglqj xs wr wkh ehqhyrohqw ryhuorug zkr pdgh klp zdughq ri wkh zdvwhodqg lqvwhdg ri iruflqj klp wr gdqfh lq d fxwh olwwoh vdloru rxwilw iru doo hwhuqlwb. Jlghrq’v qrw vxuh, exw Slqh Wuhh dvnv klp zkdw kh wklqnv Pdeho zrxog zdqw klp wr gr. Jlghrq orrnv ryhu dq rog qhzvsdshu folsslqj ri wkhp rq rqh ri wkhlu irufhg gdwhv edfn iurp wkh ehjlqqlqj ri wkh vxpphu; kh’v dv kdssb dv d ulwkjrq iurp Glphqvlrq $1@%& edwklqj lq wkh eorrg ri klv hqhplhv, exw vkh’v fohduob plvhudeoh. Txlhwob, kh dvnv Slqh Wuhh li kh’oo whoo Pdeho zkdw kh glg iru khu. Grhv wklv fkdqjh ri khduw frph iurp rxwwd qrzkhuh? Nlqg ri. Zrxog lw kdyh zrunhg ehwwhu li wkhb kdg pruh wlph wkurxjkrxw wkh vhulhv wr iohvk rxw wkh srvvlelolwb ri Jlghrq ehwudblqj ph? Ghilqlwhob, exw wr eh idlu wkhuh kdyh ehhq pxfk zruvh khho-idfh-wxuqv grqh lq d qdqrvhfrqg iru wkh vdnh ri sorw frqyhqlhqfh.

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Pxfk, pxfk zruvh.

Jlghrq dqg klv iulhqgv vshhg rii wr wkh Ihdu-dplg wr fkdoohqjh pb pljkw, doorzlqj Slqh Wuhh, Zhqgb dqg Vrrv wr xqorfn wkh exeeoh dqg zdon lqvlgh wr orrn iru Vkrrwlqj Vwdu.

Dqg wkdw’v wkh iluvw sduw ri Zhlugpdjhggrq, exw erb duh wklqjv jrqqd jhw fudclhu iurp wkhuh, mxvw brx zdlw!

Dqg wkh Lqwhuqhw Zhqw:

Hqg Fuhglwv Fudclqhvv: Wkh Kruuliblqj Vzhdwb Rqh-Duphg Prqvwurvlwb wublqj wr frqylqfh dqbrqh vwloo durxqg wr jhw lq klv prxwk. Zdqqd khos klp rxw? Kh’v wrwdoob qrw jrqqd hdw brx, L vzhdu.

Fdooedfnv: L fdoo Slqh Wuhh pb rog sxsshw zkhq zh phhw idfh wr idfh djdlq, d qlfh olwwoh qrg wr wkh wlph klv ergb ehfdph pb sxsshw lq “Vrfn Rshud”. Fkxwcsdu wkh Pdqrwdxu iurp “Glsshu yv. Pdqolqhvv” dqg wkh Vqdnh-Edgjhu iurp “Wkh Oryh Jrg” frph uxqqlqj rxw ri wkh zrrgv zkhq pb uhljq ri whuuru frpphqfhv. Uxpeoh PfVnluplvk hvfdshv iurp Judylwb Idoov’ dufdgh zkhq wkh pdgqhvv klwv. Wkh swhurgdfwbo iurp “Wkh Odqg Ehiruh Vzlqh” lv vhhq shufkhg rq wkh urri ri wkh pdoo. Dqlpdwurqlf sduwv iurp Krr-Kd Rzo’v Mdperuhh duh vwuhzq derxw wkh pdoo. Wkh zdwhu wrzhu vwloo kdv d kroh iurp wkh vhfxulwb srg Slqh Wuhh wrrn iru d mrbulgh lq wkh sdvw hslvrgh.

Furzqlqj Olqh ri Klodzhvrphqhvv: HYHUBWKLQJ L WKH PDJQLILFHQW ELOO FLSKHU VDBV LV SXUH JROG!!!

Pdeho VZdwfk (Vzhdwhu Zdwfk): Pdeho’v qrw hyhq lq wklv hslvrgh brx qlpurgv! L kdyh wr dgplw wkrxjk, L nlqgd zdqw wr vhh zkdw khu fxvwrp Zhlugpdjhggrq vzhdwhu zrxog orrn olnh.

Ghdu Sulqfhvv Fhohvwdehoohdehwkdehooh: L’yh uhfrqqhfwhg zlwk dq rog iulhqg ri brxuv lq wkh Wduwdxuxv glphqvlrq, L eholhyh brx nqrz klp, jrhv eb Wluhn? Jldqw jrdw-fhqwdxu wklqj, vxfnv pdjlf iurp htxlqh vrxov? Hashfw wr vhh klp lq brxu qhfn ri wkh zrrgv vrrq, khk khk khk…

Zkhuh’v wkdw zdfnb wuldqjoh dw?

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“Uljkw khuh, brx wzr-hbhg elwv ri phdw!”

Grq’w hashfw Zhlugpdjhggrq Sduw 2 xs dqbwlph vrrq, ironv! L’p wrr exvb hqmrblqj hyhub prphqw ri frqwuro L kdyh ryhu wklv sodfh. Lw’oo eh pxfk gliihuhqw iurp zkhq L wrrn ryhu Judylwb Idoov…

Pxfk, pxfk gliihuhqw…

Lq wkh phdqwlph, vwrfn xs rq jrog dqg grj irrg, dqg li brx zdqw ph wr vkrz xs lq brxu guhdpv wrqljkw, vwduh lq d pluuru zlwk rqh hbh rshq, fkdqw pb qdph wkuhh wlphv dqg sohgjh brxu vrxo wr pb fdxvh!

Qhyhu irujhw, L’P ZDWFKLQJ.

QHYHU IRUJHW.

QHYHU. IRUJHW.

QHYHU.

IRUJHW.

PH.


gollum3

“Shelf! SHELF!!! Where is she…any luck, Baron?”

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“No, I was distracted by an old acquaintance who then inexplicably turned from a beautiful lady into a rotund winged fellow, and then into a strange mechanical man who told me to do something to his shining metal posterior which one doesn’t repeat in polite conversation.”

gollum3

“Yeesh, don’t envy you there. It’s hopeless. She vanished right after Bill arrived. You don’t think she ditched us, do you?”

avbm007(alt)

“Madam, you do your counterpart a disservice! She would never abandon us in this hour of need. Are quite sure you searched all the places where she can normally be found? If not then it’s unfortunately rather likely this Bill must have entrapped her so he could move forward with his nefarious plans.”

gollum5

“Geez, how many times do I have to tell you, I searched the entire house! Up and down, in and out, every nook and cranny! All I could find in her room was this Mabel figure right in front of her computer -“

gollum4

“…Ohhhhhhhh……”

TO BE CONTINUED…

Gravity Falls Reviews: “Dipper and Mabel Vs. the Future” (S2E17)

If you’re new to the blog or just want to revisit from the beginning, click HERE to read the review for “Tourist Trapped”.

BE WARNED – THIS IS A MAJOR EPISODE AND THERE WILL BE SPOILERS.

Previously on Gravity Falls: Summer in Gravity Falls has gotten a bit more crazy ever since Grunkle Stan returned his twin brother and Journal Author Ford from another dimension. Though the brothers are still at odds over a decades-old dispute, this hasn’t stopped Dipper from trying to get to know the side of his family he shares his brains from. Mabel, on the other hand, fears that this sudden change may mean one day their bond could go south as Stan and Ford’s did, and all that time Dipper’s spending with the Author seems to be proving her right…

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Gravity Falls Review: “Roadside Attraction” (S02E16)

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If you’re new to the blog or just want to revisit from the beginning, click HERE to read the review for “Tourist Trapped”.

Previously on Gravity Falls: Summer in Gravity Falls has gotten a bit more crazy ever since Grunkle Stan returned his twin brother and Journal Author Ford Pines from another dimension. Though the brothers are still at odds over a decades-old falling-out, this hasn’t stopped Dipper from trying to get to know the side of his family he shares his brains from, Grunkle Stan from running the laboratory-turned-tourist trap known as The Mystery Shack, or Mabel from her calling of matchmaker, even with the looming threat of a demon with universal aspirations…

Now that the Mystery Shack has become the one place on Earth that is completely safe from the machinations of Bill Cipher, there’s only one thing that the Pines family can do now –

ROAD TRIP!!

Wait, what?

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Gravity Falls Review: “The Last Mabelcorn” (S02E15)

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If you’re new to the blog or just want to revisit from the beginning, click HERE to read the review for “Tourist Trapped”.

Previously on Gravity Falls: Summer in Gravity Falls has gotten a bit more crazy ever since Grunkle Stan returned his twin brother and Journal Author Ford from another dimension. Though the brothers are still at odds over a decades-old dispute, this hasn’t stopped Dipper from trying to get to know the side of his family he shares his brains from. But some questions might be better left unanswered, especially when there’s a certain triangular nightmare demon involved…

It’s nighttime. The Pines family are sound asleep in the Mystery Shack. But Ford’s dreams are unsettling ones as an old foe makes himself known.

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Bill’s happy to see his “friend” has returned, but the feeling’s far from mutual. Bill tells him that shutting down the portal hasn’t stopped his plan, and once the rift that’s keeping their dimensions separate has slipped out of Ford’s hands, well, it won’t be good. Ford wakes up in a cold sweat; the first thing he does the next morning is warn Dipper and Mabel about Bill, but is astounded when he learns they’re already more than familiar with him. Ford tells them that Bill is the most dangerous being he’s met, and if he achieves his goals no one will be safe. He does have a plan to protect his family by “Bill-proofing” the Mystery Shack. The only thing he needs is some unicorn hair, which can only be procured on a magical quest by a maiden who’s pure of heart.

mabel2

You called?

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Christmas Reviews: “Arnold’s Christmas”

In my last episode I talked about Rugrats and how big a part of my childhood it was. While nothing will ever change that, there’s one other Nicktoon that came out a few years later which certainly rose in my estimation as I got older.

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Originally a character created by Craig Bartlett as a series of claymation shorts for Sesame Street, Hey Arnold was a show that brought us a colorful cast of characters and taught some surprisingly deep life lessons when not making us crack up. It centers around the titular Arnold, your seemingly average nice guy kid who’s the voice of reason among his group of eclectic friends and the kooky boardinghouse he calls home (and if it were up to me the complete series DVD set would come in a box shaped like that boardinghouse and have the stampede of animals from the into pop out when you open it, but we can still dream). Boasting a jazzy soundtrack, unique character designs, great voicework done by actual kids instead of adults posing as them, and some unforgettable moments of humor and heartbreak, it’s become a cult classic that 90’s kids like myself consider one of the very best of the original Nicktoons. And of course this past November, after fifteen agonizing years of wondering and waiting, we finally got the long-awaited Jungle Movie where the mystery of what the heck happened to Arnold’s parents was solved, so this is my one chance to hit on one of the standout entries to this classic series while the iron’s still hot. Let’s take a look at “Arnold’s Christmas”.

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Christmas Reviews: “The Santa Experience”

For a very brief couple of seconds on October 9th of this year some of you may have noticed that this review went up all of a sudden just to disappear as quickly. I’ve said before it was due to some issues trying to reschedule the review for another date in December and had to give away the surprise that I’d be looking at more holiday shorts. Well, here’s the actual review. Let’s hope it doesn’t disappoint as I review at another nostalgic staple from my childhood, Rugrats.

An animated show that takes place from the point of view of a baby doesn’t sound like a particularly risky idea, but back when it was among the first crop of original Nicktoons to be pitched to Nickelodeon, it was. Suffice it to say that the gamble paid off and up until Spongebob dethroned it Rugrats was Nickelodeon’s golden child. I was very young when Rugrats came out and it was the very first show I remember being obsessed with; dolls, toys, books, clothes, you name it and I had it. The movies actually hold up pretty well too (except Rugrats Go Wild, that can burn in the deepest recesses of Hades). I even went to the live show. The freaking cheesy as hell live show. I mean the premise of the entire series was actually relatable though the main characters were about 4-5 years younger than me; they had a great deal to learn about the world around them and often got lost in fantastic adventures using their imaginations while the yuppie parents went about being completely oblivious 80% of the time. That was my bread and butter when I was in my single digits.

The characters were also basic but likable and cute to boot; you got Tommy the intrepid leader always looking to explore everything, his best friend Chuckie the fraidycat who always had some sort of new phobia to conquer (and was my favorite by the way), the gross-loving twins Phil and Lil, and Tommy’s bratty cousin Angelica whom everyone loved to hate, myself included. More characters were added along the way like the badass Susie, Tommy’s infant brother Dil, and Chuckie’s stepsister Kimi, each one bringing something new and diverse to the show.

I’m not gonna say that it was the perfect animated show or the standard all kids shows should emulate though; I mean for one thing if this took place in the real world the babies would have been taken away by child services now because it surprises me just how wrapped up in their own problems the adults could be. Most of the time they neglect the kids long enough for them to get out of the playpen or stroller and wander around a strange area and nearly endanger themselves. That and the usual foray into poo-poo humor you’d expect when dealing with characters that are barely 2 years old. Some of the toilet jokes I remember would make Shrek gag in disgust. But hey, sometimes you gotta appeal to the lowest common denominator for kids. It doesn’t completely take away the fact that at its best it was a very cute show that played a major part in building Nickelodeon’s identity.

So how does their take on the most wonderful time of the year hold up? And why is it called The Santa Experience anyway? Let’s take a look.

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