Top 10 Favorite Disney Sing-Alongs

An unexpected occurrence has delayed this month’s review. An emergency backup countdown will shortly be deployed. Please keep your head and arms inside the vehicle and save all questions until after the list. Thank you for your cooperation, and please enjoy.

 

Disney was one of the staples of my childhood, and one of the sub-staples of that staple was the series of Sing-Along videos that came out from the mid-’80s to the 2000’s. With the dawn of home video, Disney jumped on the bandwagon to ensure every generation grew up with its classics in some form or another, and this was the perfect way to do it. Sure, many of the songs featured were taken from animated movies we all know and love, as well as from a few park attractions that have the most earworm-iest themes, but they also included tunes from the Walt-era of television shows and live-action films. That was my gateway to the Wonderful World of Disney that sadly is often overshadowed by whatever preteen crap the Disney Channel is peddling today. Each tape was a twenty-minute compilation of their greatest hits and they kept families entertained for hours…well, they kept the kids quiet for a half-hour at least. I know they did for me. So strike up the birdhouse school band Professor Owl, let’s look at my 10 favorite Disney Sing-Alongs!

 

10. The Bare Necessities (1987)

I have to be honest, The Jungle Book was never one of my favorite Disney films, but I love the music from it. Frankly I think I may have watched the sing-along more than the actual movie. It features two of the best musical numbers, “I Wanna Be Like You” and of course the song where the title of this video comes from, and it doesn’t disappoint. It even provides room to do some jazz scatting with King Louie and Baloo. This is also the video that probably has the most obscure tunes; apart from the aforementioned Jungle Book songs, the Work Song the mice from Cinderella sing, and the theme from Winnie the Pooh, it features “Look Out for Mr. Stork” from Dumbo (remember the last time you hummed that ditty?), one of Jiminy Cricket’s songs from the original Mickey Mouse Club, “The Ugly Bug Ball” from the lesser-known Hayley Mills movie Summer Magic (and the only reason I knew that it’s from there is because my grandma somehow got that movie on VHS while I was in middle school, and when I watched it for the first time and the song came up I was like “Hey! I remember this from that old sing-along video I used to have!”) and the theme from Old Yeller, which was my intro to the classic movie long before Animaniacs, every critic and their mama made fun of the infamous ending (they wisely leave it out during the song itself). These are some interesting choices to have on this tape, especially considering this was released to coincide with The Jungle Book’s 20th anniversary.You’d think they’d have more songs from the film on there, but I appreciate that they decided to shine the spotlight on some nice melodies that would have otherwise been overlooked.

 

9. Heigh-Ho (1987)

The first (though technically second released) in the Sing-Along lineup, “Heigh-Ho” was made in time for Snow White’s 50th anniversary with the song everyone remembers and loves the most at the forefront. Like with the previous entry, it only features one other song from the movie, “The Silly Song”, but I’m not complaining. I love the Seven Dwarfs and I’m glad they get quite a bit of screentime. Professor Owl even helps point out which dwarf is which for anyone who gets confused. I’ve tried to glean what kind of theme runs through the video, and the best I could come up with are songs of adventure. We’ve got The Three Caballeros, the theme from Pirates of the Caribbean (the ride, not the movies) which kind of used to scare me what with the stiff animatronics, dark lighting and explosion at the end, the theme song to Zorro (my intro to the classic series, which I can’t recommend enough; the version played here is also the complete one!), “Let’s Go Fly a Kite”, “A Cowboy Needs a Horse”, and a few others. My Disney nitpicking alarm goes off whenever I see them spell the “Heigh” in “Heigh-Ho” as “Hi”, but I guess they wanted to make sure it was easy for kids to say. I grew up with several videos mashed together on to one cassette, and Disney Sing-Alongs were no exception. This one always came first, and it was a great way to kick off the series.

 

8. Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah (1986)

Once upon a time, there was an actual period in Disney history where they not only acknowledged Song of the South’s existence, but celebrated it, as is the case with this video. The Oscar-winning tune Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah is taken straight from the movie and performed by Uncle Remus himself, James Baskett. The reprise at the end is also from the movie, though they superimpose clips of other Disney characters singing it. It was, like most people from my generation, my introduction to the movie Disney will never let us see. I’ll save my thoughts on Song of the South itself for another day, but I will say it’s nice that for a time Disney didn’t try to sweep it under the rug, because take it in or out of context, Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah is a nice, catchy tune and it deserves to be heard and seen as it was originally intended.

 

7. Disneyland Fun aka It’s a Small World (1990)

The first sing-along to be solely live-action, this one was made for Disneyland’s 35th anniversary, because why stop at making 20 minute commercials for movies and television when you can also do it for theme parks? Anyone who grew up watching this tape will tell you this is exactly what they dreamed a day at Disneyland would be like – cavorting with your favorite characters, riding the rides and exploring the park with them, hell, Winnie the Pooh makes the act of sitting down and eating seem like fun! Every one of the tunes featured are catchy as hell, even the version of Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah with the “radical” 90’s rap that was cheesy even back then shoehorned in, and the addition of a ton of familiar faces makes it even more enjoyable. Most fans of the sing-alongs will say that makes this the best one, so why am I putting it so low on the list?

 

No reason. I just want to be obnoxious about not liking what everyone else likes. Call me a hipster, it’s better than –

Gravity Falls Review: “The Time Traveler’s Pig” (S01E09)

If you’re new to the blog or just want to revisit from the beginning, click HERE to read the review for “Tourist Trapped”.

Previously on Gravity Falls:
Dipper and Mabel Pines are spending the summer in the little town of Gravity Falls with their Grunkle Stan, who runs a tourist trap called the Mystery Shack. Thanks to the mysterious Journal Dipper discovered on his first day there, he and Mabel have fought off monsters, been haunted by convenience store ghosts, and uncovered a major conspiracy in the town’s past. Mabel’s made several friends and started a rivalry with rich bitch Pacifica Northwest, and Dipper develops a major crush on Wendy, the coolest teenage girl in town, and is slowly working past his shyness to win her over.

It seems Grunkle Stan has been learning a thing or two from Mr. Krabs when he decides to hold the cheapest fair money can rent so he can draw in more customers. Rather than playing the part of Cheapy McCheapskate the Clown, he’s daring everyone who passes by to knock him into the dunk tank. Of course, being Stan, the dunk target is rigged so tightly that nothing short of a futuristic laser cannon can get him in the water. After Dipper learns the hard way that the sky buckets are broken, he and Mabel are sent out to put fake grades on the rides for the safety inspector while Stan looks for a missing screwdriver. None of them are aware that someone already took it.

Dipper and Wendy enjoy each others’ company as the fair is in full swing. In the time since the dance in “Double Dipper”, he’s grown more confident about himself and talking to her. The moment is spoiled when Robbie shows up on the scene rocking some skinny jeans, his usual bad attitude and enough body spray to make the air around him unbreathable. Dipper is determined to keep him away from Wendy at all costs and tries to win a stuffed panda-duck-mutant thing for her at one of the ball-toss games. Unfortunately for him, the ball bounces off the bottles and straight into her eye. Dipper grabs some ice but bumps into the man from earlier and spills everything. He returns to find Robbie giving her his snowcone and she agreeing to go out with him.

“Everything is different now.”

Mabel is having a much better time than him, having fallen in love with a pig that’s apparently oinking her name. After successfully guessing “Ol’  Fifteen-Poundy’s” weight, she wins him and christens him Waddles.

“Everything is different now.”

Mabel shows Waddles to Dipper and learns about her brother’s broken heart. His sadness continues for the rest of the day despite her and Waddles’ attempts to cheer him up. Dipper wishes he could go back and fix everything, blaming it all on the guy he bumped into when he happens to notice him close by. He recognizes him as someone he keeps seeing around the Mystery Shack and asks if he’s been following them. The stranger, realizing he is compromised, attempts to go into stealth mode by making his suit turn into camouflage but results in making it change into different patterns and places. When his “memory wipe” fails, the man comes clean – his name is Blendin Blandin, and he is a time traveler from the future sent to clean up some anomalies predicted to occur at the fair. He hasn’t found any yet, however, which makes him worried that he’s fallen into a paradox where he’s the one that’s going to cause them.

Dipper and Mabel are still skeptical despite the fact that they’ve already witnessed clones, monsters, ghosts and other things around Gravity Falls, so Blendin demonstrates how he travels back with a special tape measure. Eager to get his hands on the time-tape and fix his mistakes, Dipper convinces Blendin to take a break and go on some rides. He swipes it from his toolbelt after he takes it off and vows to make the shot that cost him Wendy. Mabel wants to join him so she can relive winning Waddles. Dipper pulls the tape back and they vanish in a flash while we see the rest of the world going backwards – and I’ll spare you the image of Soos eating a sandwich in reverse.

The twins exit the Mystery Shack to find themselves at the beginning of the fair. Mabel wins Waddles without having to even guess, leading to the old man at the stand to assume she’s a witch and start a mob.

“All right, boys, this is the big time! We’ve got a real enchantress on our hands and I’m not letting her steal my pig!”

“For the last time Sprott, we hunt BEASTS, not WITCHES!”

Dipper finds Wendy, tries to knock over the bottles and succeeds – only for the ball to bounce back and hit her in the eye again with Robbie coming to the rescue. Dipper takes a moment to wonder if time itself is conspiring against him to make sure that he fails, but dismisses it and goes back with Mabel one more time. We get a montage of him attempting to win the game in different ways but always with the same outcome. Meanwhile Mabel is having the time of her life with Waddles. Dipper is forced to use the one tool no one should ever be forced to reckon with in order to win his dream girl.

Math. My old arch enemy.

Calculating the laws of time and physics and such (at age twelve, how is this kid not in college?!) Dipper concludes that there’s one variable missing from the equation that allows him to win without hurting Wendy. He recruits Mabel to help him despite her wanting to go back and win Waddles one more time, saying it’ll take less than a few minutes. Doing some careful pitching and thanks to some Rube Goldberg-esque chain reactions in part from Mabel, Dipper knocks down the bottles, gets Wendy her stuffed toy and one-ups Robbie. Pleased with a job well done, Mabel goes after Waddles…but Pacifica has gotten to him first.

After a solid ten seconds of screaming, Mabel catches up to Dipper and asks that they go back one last time so she can win her beloved pig for good. Dipper is sorry but refuses because in every other timeline he loses Wendy. The two get into a scuffle over the time-tape and it gets caught on a ride vehicle, stretching itself out and sending the twins into the days of the pioneers. They’re chased by a herd of buffalo off a cliff into a covered wagon. Mabel messes around with the pioneers onboard by spoiling big things that happen in the future like women’s rights and calculators. With his hands back on the tape, Dipper tries to get them home but they’re both nearly eaten by a T-Rex instead. Then they end up in an apocalyptic future with an evil giant flying baby on the loose before appearing by the lake the day they chased the Gobblewonker, at the unveiling of the Shack’s wax museum, right behind the giant gnome monster, and a wintry day outside the Mystery Shack.

Huh. Stan looked a hell of a lot different when he was younger…

As they fight over the tape again, it malfunctions and envelopes them in an electrical flash. They appear in a black void where nothing but their eyes are visible (I love when they do that in cartoons). Both panic when they think they were transported to the end of time itself…until they realize that the tape just took them inside a porta-potty back at the fair in the timeline they came from. Wendy still has her creature, Robbie is humiliated, and Pacifica is abusing Waddles. Mabel chases Dipper around one last time but he is adamant in his decision. He’s worked too hard to give Wendy up and points out that Mabel’s fallen for other things before so Waddles isn’t any different.

Come on Dipper, how can you say no to this? HOW?!

Mabel finally gives up and bangs her head on the totem pole to lament the loss of her porcine soulmate. Dipper calls her out for trying to guilt trip him and travels ahead by one day to prove that she’ll be over Waddles soon enough.

To his surprise, she’s still there.

So he travels ahead by one week.

Mabel is still there, sad as ever.

One whole month later, her sweater rotted by time and weather, vines and bugs crawling through her hair, Mabel has not only not moved on, but she’s been made part of the tour at the Mystery Shack.

Dipper has a choice to make. It’s not a matter of Wendy or Waddles. It’s Wendy or his sister. As much as it hurts him, he knows what he has to do.

At the fair, Dipper tells Wendy that people who make mistakes should be forgiven (and only Puerto Ricans can pull off skinny jeans well) and throws the ball and loses. Robbie gets Wendy, but Mabel gets Waddles, and Pacifica gets a cock in her face.

Blendin finds the twins and is pissed beyond all belief that the twins have broken countless time travel laws when two officers of the Time Enforcement Police, Lolph and Dundgren, appear to arrest him for all the anomalies throughout time that they believe he caused. He swears revenge on the kids as they drag him away. Since nothing happens immediately after, Dipper and Mabel shrug it off and try not to think about the possibility that they caused the anomalies Blendin was sent there for in the first place. Grunkle Stan gets some sweet karmic justice however as he insults the officers and they manage to dunk him with their laser cannons.

For all that he went through, Dipper tries not to be too sad at the thought of losing Wendy to Robbie, because the thought of hurting his sister was something he couldn’t bear. Mabel gets some revenge for  him by having Waddles go after Robbie’s candy apple and managing to get his jeans shrunk in scalding hot water while he’s still wearing them (which hurts as much as you think it would. Don’t ask how I know this).

 

“The Time Traveler’s Pig” is a polarizing episode for most fans, myself included, and it all stems down to the actions of one character – Mabel. Dipper is willing to sacrifice his happiness for her but she’s not willing to do the same, and it’s going to take a while before we reach the point in the series where she realizes that. I tend to cut her more slack than other fans because you have to remember she’s a twelve year-old girl and that’s the age when most adolescents start seeing themselves as the center of the universe. I’m willing begrudge her occasional selfish tendencies because, well, you’ve seen how I’ve raved about her in the last review; when she’s not acting the way, she’s that enjoyable to watch. Speaking of, Dipper and Mabel are more than happy to let Blendin take all the blame for the havoc they’ve wreaked through the timelines, so Mabel’s not the only one acting out of self-interest here (and yes, that is definitely going to come back to haunt them later). The ending of this episode marks the first time things don’t wrap up completely happily for everyone, and I admire the writers for doing that even if I don’t really care for it. Also, why couldn’t they have simply gotten Waddles first and then go through with Dipper’s plan? Maybe it’s a case of the obvious answer staring you in the face without you realizing it, but it kind of bugs me. The time-travel rules are a little all over the place too with some characters remembering alternate timelines and others not, but hey, we can’t all be Back to the Future. Other than that the moments with Waddles are adorable (seriously, I want a pig like him), the Edgar Wright-esque sight gags and lines (the heart shaped balloon behind Dipper popping when Robbie asks out Wendy, the vendor at the ball game telling Dipper he only gets one chance, etc.) are cleverly interwoven throughout the episode, and we get a fun new recurring character in the pathetic time-traveler Blendin. If his voice sounds familiar to you, then I find it UNACCEPTABLE!!!!!

…But seriously, Justin Roiland is a lot of fun.

 

And the Internet Went:

I’ve read other people’s reviews trying to get a grasp on the general consensus of this episode and it’s very mixed. Some love it, some hate it, so I’m just gonna put it somewhere in the middle.

End Credits Craziness: Time Baby calls Blendin to the stand in Time Court and forces him to absolve for his time crimes by fixing the anomalies made by the Pines twins going back in time…time to all the instances we’ve seen him pop up in before. Man they overuse that word in that distant future.

“C-can I at least go back and kill Hitler?” “NEGATIVE! Ask again and my tantrum will shatter the cosmos!!”

Callbacks: A subtle one, but one of the pioneers cries out “By Trembley!” Also one of the documents in the previous episode alludes to a gigantic evil time-guzzling baby. Not to mention we finally get a closer look at all the moments Blendin appeared in prior to this episode.”

Crowning Line of Hilawesomeness: Say it with me – “Everything is different now.” Something about that line has so much weight attached to it.

Mabel SWatch (Sweater Watch): Turquoise with blue and purple wavy stripes

Dear Princess Celestabelleabethabelle: I’ve learned that a true sibling will put everything aside to make the other one happy…just don’t expect them to immediately return the favor.

Where’s that wacky triangle at?

Elsewhere…for now…

 

Next time be prepared to –

It’s “Fight Fighters”. See you then!

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2-12-5-14-4-9-14 19-8-1-12-12 18-5-20-21-18-14 9-14 “18-5-20-21-18-14 2-1-3-11-23-1-18-4-19 20-15 20-8-5 16-1-19-20 1-7-1-9-14 2” 1-11-1 “2-12-5-14-4-9-14’19 7-1-13-5”, 19-5-1-19-15-14 2.

A Ray of Hope There Still May Be…

If anyone here has been following me for the past year or so, you are well aware of my thoughts on this election and its results. I was as devastated as most of the country when it was over, and eventually resigned myself to waiting the next four years out in quiet anger and frustration.

 

…until now.

 

For those who need a refresher in high school US Government or don’t live in the States (how I envy you) and thus have no need to learn the annoying intricacies of our complicated system, here’s how an election usually goes: every person in the country who is registered can vote for their candidate of choice.

This is called the popular vote.

This does NOT affect who becomes our next president.

What does is the vote that comes afterwards from the Electoral College. It is a vote made up of a minority in Congress that makes their decision based on which political party came out on top in each state.

The outcome of this election was that Hilary Clinton won the popular vote by a close margin, but Trump won because of the system in place. So what you may have read is in fact true; the people didn’t want Trump, but we got him because of our system.

 

It’s been nearly two weeks since the election announcements, and I have never seen my country in such uproar. There have been countless protests in streets, some peaceful, some not. Violence has openly broken out against gays, Muslims, women, and people of color because bigots feel validated that someone who shares their malodorous beliefs is in a position of power. Vandalizing places of peace and acceptance with swastikas has become a norm. I am reminded of it every morning when I get on the bus and find them etched in the back seats in permanent marker. Any time I go on Facebook I’m terrified that I’ll find one of my best friends is another victim of the neo-Nazis and KKK’s horrifying resurgence. The fact that all this is encouraged by a man who should be held to the highest of moral standards in our country makes me sick to my stomach, and even more fearful for the state of the world than any of the shootings, bombings or acts of terror that have taken place post-9/11.

 

It is not too late to stop this.

 

On December 19, the people of the Electoral College will officially cast their vote for the President of the United States, regardless of party alignment. Less than a few days after the election results, a petition went up on Change.org pleading directly to them to vote for Hilary Clinton instead of Donald Trump. The initial goal for this petition was for it to be signed by 3 million people.

It surpassed that goal within two days.

Since then, the number that the makers of the petition have asked for before it is officially presented to the Electoral College has gone up to 4 million, and now 6 million. It has gained enough traction to be mentioned numerous times in the media and is still passed around from site to site. I urge you to sign it and share it with anyone who also doesn’t wish to see the White House become Trump’s weekend home.

 

Now I know what you’re thinking. Online petitions and bitching and moaning on the internet doesn’t do jack, right? In this case, you’d be surprised. Not long after the petition went viral, two things happened.

One – it got people to thinking about the last time this sort of reaction happened over an election. In 2000, Al Gore won the popular vote, but thanks to the Electoral College, George W. Bush was made the President, and we all remember what a wonderful eight years that was for our country. The Electoral College was put in place by none other than bastard, orphan, son of a whore and as of late musical Vice President “harasser” Alexander Hamilton to keep elections from being bought and sold by people like Trump, but these incidents have proven that it’s an outdated system that no longer speaks for the people. Petitions have popped up calling for the eradication of the Electoral College, and those either for or against this radical change have made themselves heard. Almost a week after the elections, Maryland became the first state to proclaim that they will bypass the Electoral College and stand by the outcome of the popular votes when it comes to Presidential elections, and from the looks of it other states aren’t too far behind.

Two – Around that same time, two Republican senators who are part of the Electoral College announced their intentions to vote against Trump in the upcoming final rumble. They don’t support Hilary either, and have asked fellow Republicans to write in a third candidate like Mitt Romney or Ted Cruz, but hey, I’ll take whatever I can get. Two more Republicans have also joined them this week and they’ve begun calling themselves the “Moral Electors”. Is it gimmicky? It sure is, but when going against someone like Trump who’s proven to have almost no morals, the Republican party and this country in general is in dire need of morality. That brings the number of electorates to 4, which, yes, is a far cry from the amount needed to fully turn the tide, though it is a start. “Faithless electors”, as they’ve been called, are nothing new in these kind of elections. There are punishments in place for anyone who tries to switch parties, but the worst is a fine that anyone in that position can pay without worrying about it taking a huge chunk from their bank accounts, or they get switched out with someone who will vote for the reigning party (see? Absolutely backwards.)

 

We are lucky to live in a land where the people, all the people, have a free voice. We do not have to lie down and take whatever the government says is so. We still have a voice, and we can protest to the heavens until we are heard. The worst thing we can do is be indifferent to the changes around us. If you are unhappy with this outcome and want to share your concerns with those who are paid to take the thoughts of the American people into account, you can reach out to them. Call your senators, governors, representatives and those running your state to tell them directly that you do not want Trump sworn in as our President. They are not as hidden or far away as you might believe. http://www.house.gov/representatives/find/ can help you get in direct contact with them. This is the best way to let them know, through a direct line from you to them. Here you will also find the names of the Electorates slated to vote soon. I urge you to contact them as soon as you can.

 

We have less than a month. The fight is an uphill one, but then again it always has been. The voice of hatred has gotten stronger this past year, but I fervently believe the voice of hope and love can still overcome it.

 

I’d like to end this with two lines from two different but similar groundbreaking works of theater that have given a voice to the voiceless these past several years:

 

I am not throwing away my shot
‘Til the world turns upside down

 

The great work begins.

Tale as Old as Time – Trailer 2!

This morning another trailer for the upcoming Beauty and the Beast live-action remake dropped. Since some of you were pretty keen on what I thought of the first trailer, I thought I’d give you my impression of this new one. You already know what I think of the original animated classic. Let’s see if this gives any hints as to whether this new adaptation of a tale as old as time measures up or not.

We open on another shot of the castle, and this time we see more of the grounds – snowy open fields, mazes, crumbling walls and statues, even a closer look at the torn up portrait inside…which isn’t as torn up as I thought it should be, but meh, there’s more important things to nitpick over. Again, I love this version of the prologue music that they’re playing in these trailers.

Someone rides through the courtyard on a white horse – it’s Kevin Kline as Maurice! Ok, gonna fangirl for a bit here, I love that they cast him in this role. Kline is one of my favorite comedic actors (I’ll get into why when I review A Fish Called Wanda eventually ) and the fact that he’s in this movie, especially because he’s very choosy when it comes to what films he’s in, means that there’s something about this part that’s very well-written, a comic goldmine, or both. Sadly we don’t see him do much in the trailer apart from being captured and be supportive of Belle, but I have hope that he’ll be given a lot to do in the movie.

So Maurice picks a white rose and the Beast comes crashing down on him and WAIT WHAT?!

 

I’m sorry, I have to get this off my chest before I go any further. One of the things that made the animated Beauty and the Beast so great was that it improved upon aspects of the original fairy tale, one of them being the reason why Belle rescues her father in the first place. In the Disney one, Maurice was locked away because the Beast thought he was trespassing and “came to stare at the Beast”, not to mention he very likely believed that he would reveal his existence to the world if he let him go. In the story and nearly every other adaptation, it’s because he picked a flower without his permission. Is this flower important? No. It’s just a rose, no different from any other garden variety. You could guess that this rose is magical and may be connected to the Beast’s life in some way, hence his rage when a stranger takes it, but A: there are few adaptations that take advantage of that plot twist, and B: there’s the little fact that this Beast already HAS one of those enchanted roses in the West Wing. It’s kind of hard to make the Beast likable if he’s willing to imprison and/or possibly kill an old man and hold his daughter hostage over a flower. At least in Robin McKinley’s Beauty or the tv movie starring George C. Scott and his wife (which you should definitely check out if you’re a fan of the fairy tale or the actor by the way), the Beast flat-out admits to Beauty once she arrives at the castle that the “daughter-or-die” thing was just a way of getting her to come over and break the spell, that he was going to let her father go unharmed if she didn’t sacrifice herself. I understand the desire to try to pay homage to the story and Cocteau’s classic film, and I have a few friends who love both versions and are excited to see it here, but the point I’m trying to make is that they had no need to do that in the first place. It over-complicates an already simple first act beat and makes it harder to root for our protagonist. I can only hope that those other roses do have a significant meaning that would warrant an overreaction like the Beast’s.

…I’m sorry, I was reviewing something wasn’t I?

Belle comes in looking for her father, and it follows the original scene rather closely. He tells her to run, Beast shows up in the shadows and offers an exchange, Belle asks him to come into the light and is startled by what she sees. There are two things here I’d like to mention – one is that it looks like Belle is holding a wand in this scene, and seeing how this is Emma Watson I can’t help but think in the back of my mind “Why doesn’t she just hit the Beast with Expelliarmus, unlock the cell with Alohamora, grab her dad and apparate out of there?” (yes, I’m kind of a Harry Potter nerd if you haven’t already guessed). Second, in one of my illustration classes in senior year, I took a turn at trying to storyboard the Broadway version of this scene for film and everyone – teacher included – said it was completely pointless because we’ve only got the animated version and no other. Well, Class of ’13 and esteemed Professor –

Now the theme music kicks in, and I love it even more. Even though it’s clearly made just for the trailer what with the heavy bass, percussion and choir as the editing gets more frantic near the end, it’s a pretty kickass rendition of the classic song.

We have Beast looking at Belle through the mirror (which could use some cleaning up if the frost encircling it is any indication) and let’s talk about the Beast for a moment. While I would have loved to have seen a practical/CGI-hybrid version of Glen Keane’s awesome design, it’s not that bad. Could have been uglier, but not bad. The mo-cap is good, even better than what we saw for Vincent Cassel’s Beast in the recent French remake, and I do appreciate that they did something different while building off of Keane’s Beast. They kept the human eyes, which is important, gateway to the soul and all that.

Then we have the enchanted objects.

This was the red flag for a lot of people. When pictures of Cogsworth and Lumiere showed up online they were almost universally hated because the designs for them were, and let’s be honest, from deep in the bowels of the Uncanny Valley. I’m willing to overlook some things for the sake of CGI and time and such, but wow they looked creepy. Thankfully those images were revealed to be concept art so this trailer provides our first look at how the objects will appear in the film.

Again, I would have liked seeing some practical costuming/makeup because the Broadway show provided a great template for that -heck, Lumiere looks almost exactly like his Broadway counterpart but tiny and golden – but the CGI isn’t awful and even though they don’t look exactly like the animated characters, they still act like them. I don’t entirely buy Ian McKellen’s deep baritone with wound-up Cogsworth, but Emma Thompson’s Mrs. Potts I’m all over (I don’t even mind that they moved her face to the side instead of the spout). Also, is that -no, that’s not Daniel Huttlestone as Chip (dang it!)

Strangely enough, it looks like the objects take Belle to a new room other than the dungeon instead of the Beast, so fingers crossed that Beast got too ashamed to go up there and take Belle himself and decided to send the objects to do it, instead of him being a jerk and leaving her there intentionally.

We’ve got some of the wolf fight (bring it on!!) Luke Evan’s Gaston rallying up the angry mob (poor haystack still gets burned up in this one), and some flashes of Belle/Beast moments I’d love to see expanded – out with the horse (Phillipe?) in the snow, showing her the library (sadly not as ginormous as the animated one) while Beast says something cryptic about heart’s desire, the arrival of the angry mob intercut as they waltz in the ballroom, the battle between Gaston and the Beast, and it looks pretty awesome, but through it all one thing concerns me –

No singing.

It was announced that this remake, unlike the previous ones, will not only be retaining the film’s songs but also adding some new ones (sadly not from the Broadway show), and yet nobody sings anything. Is anyone else getting sick of Disney misleading us like this? Tangled and Frozen proved that people want to see Disney musicals again; there’s no need to trick us into going like in the past. We get hints of musical numbers like Gaston’s song in the tavern and some waltzing people, but nobody sings a note. I’ve got faith in Kevin Kline’s pipes, he was the Pirate King for pete’s sake, but everyone apart from Audra McDonald and Josh Gad…I’m praying that the reason why they’re keeping us from hearing anyone’s vocal prowess yet is because they’re misleading us into thinking it’s a music-less adaptation and not because they don’t match the standards of the original cast.

 

Despite all my nitpicks, however, this is a pretty exciting trailer. I’m serious. As much as people have their fingers crossed that it will suck and end the rampant trend of live-action remakes, this trailer offers plenty of hope that it might actually be good. Regardless of the changes, it’s not going to take away the impact of the original movie or erase it off the map. The acting looks and sounds pretty good, Luke Evans and Josh Gad are spot-on as Gaston and LeFou, and I’m excited to hear the new music.

 

I’m eager to hear what you think of the trailer. Do you think it’s good? Are you excited for the film in March? Let me know in the comments!

November 9, 2016

Well at least one of us is fucking happy.

Gravity Falls Review: “Irrational Treasure” (S01E08)

If you’re new to the blog or just want to revisit from the beginning, click HERE to read the review for “Tourist Trapped”.

Previously on Gravity Falls:
Dipper and Mabel Pines are sent to Gravity Falls to spend the summer with their Grunkle Stan, who runs a tourist trap called the Mystery Shack. Dipper finds a journal in which the enigmatic Author has chronicled some of the unusual happenings and inhabitants of the town, and he vows to follow in his (or her) footsteps to unravel Gravity Falls’ mysteries while bonding with his wild sister and cranky Grunkle.

Grunkle Stan and the kids are stuck in traffic, canvas-covered horse-drawn traffic to be precise. With growing horror Stan realizes that it’s the worst day of the year to be in Gravity Falls…Pioneer Day.

Once a year the whole town celebrates its foundation by reverting to how it was back in 1863 – dressing in pioneer costumes, doing activities like candle-dipping, and performing marriage ceremonies to woodpeckers (not even joking on that last one). Dipper and Mabel get caught up in the pioneer spirit while Stan vows to disown them if they return to the Shack with so much as dysentery.

The opening ceremonies begin led by Pacifica Northwest and her family, since their ancestor Nathaniel Northwest was Gravity Falls’ founder. Pacifica invites anyone with the pioneer spirit to come on stage and show it. Mabel, convinced that her whole arch-rival business with Pacifica was just a one-time thing, comes on and unintentionally steals her thunder by getting the crowd in a USA-loving frenzy.

This guy knows where it’s at.

Pacifica bites back by saying Mabel’s too ridiculous to be a part of Pioneer Day because of how silly she looks and acts. This…surprisingly makes Mabel feel very self-conscious. She tries to act serious but Pacifica humiliates her further in front of everyone, even making fun of her cool nacho earrings (and considering Pacifica has arrowhead earrings on…yeah, she’s a fucking hypocrite). Eventually she’s shooed off the stage in tears. Dipper tries to cheer her up with some butterscotch candies but Mabel can’t shake off what Pacifica said. She was perfectly happy with herself until she realized maybe people see her as nothing but a joke. Mabel’s so upset that she ends up doing the unthinkable.

AAAAHH!! Mabel, where’d you go?! All I can see is this sad girl with a sweater wrapped around – oh.

This gets Dipper mad enough for both of them until he remembers the Journal may hold the key to taking Pacifica down a notch. The Author started documenting a cover-up in the town’s past that could prove Nathaniel Northwest may not be the town founder after all. Dipper’s eager to expose the conspiracy and Mabel tags along because proving a conspiracy means no one can call her silly again. Mystery Twins are go! … but they’re unaware that Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland are out to make sure the Northwest’s secret remains just that.

Truly the men for the job.

Dipper and Mabel start their investigation at the library where they have a hard time cracking the code left in the Journal until Dipper finds an alchemy symbol for fire that matches the giant triangle encompassing the message, which leads to the obvious conclusion – burn the page and the answer will reveal itself. Mabel can’t resist turning it into a hat before he does.

And she looks freaking adorable while doing it.

As she starts berating herself for giving into her silly urges, Dipper points out she actually folded the page into a map that shows the way to the next clue.

The kids overhear Blubs and Durland looking for them and sneak to their next location, the history museum. Fortunately the Journal doesn’t call for them to steal the town declaration, just study an unusual stone sculpture on the wall. Neither of them can figure it out until Mabel sits upside-down and discovers the sculpture is also upside-down. She recognizes it as a replica of an angel at the cemetery which is literally pointing the way for them to go. Blubs and Durland arrive at the museum and give chase but Dipper and Mabel manage to elude them and reach the cemetery. The actual angel seems to be pointing nowhere but when Mabel plays around with its finger she activates a hidden door. After stumbling through a tunnel full of booby traps, Mabel and Dipper reach a room full of historical cover-ups including but not limited to [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED] and Jim Henson was being puppeteered by Kermit all along. Who knew, right?

On top of all that, the twins learn the truth about Nathaniel Northwest – he was actually the village idiot who shoveled manure for a living, and Gravity Falls’ true founder was one Quentin Trembley the 3rd. Blubs and Durland arrive and arrest them, having followed a trail of butterscotch wrappers that Mabel foolishly left behind. Seeing as how they won’t be able to tell anyone about this, Blubs plays an old film that goes into detail about the cover-up: Quentin Trembley was the 8 and 1/2th President of the United States. He quickly gained the reputation for being the silliest by doing things like appointing babies as Supreme Court judges and declaring war on pancakes (I’d make some kind of joke about Trembley erecting a sort of large fortification structure around IHoP, perhaps one designed to keep neighbors and interlopers out, and maybe even throw in something about Denny’s providing the funds to keep themselves ensconced, but gosh darn it I can’t think of a thing right now).

Trembley was booted out of the White House and founded Gravity Falls, which he named after crashing into the valley it was built in while riding backwards off a cliff. After his mysterious disappearance, all mention of him was erased from US history and the government replaced him with Northwest as the town founder. Blubs and Durland load Dipper and Mabel with all the hidden material – including the recently unearthed body of Quentin Trembley entombed in a block of peanut brittle – on to a train headed for Washington where they’ll be held indefinitely by the FBI. Mabel is feeling down and breaks off a bit of peanut brittle to munch on, which shatters the cube…and releases a very alive Quentin Trembley, who froze himself because he believed peanut brittle has life-sustaining properties. Mabel is thrilled that this supposedly silly man is actually brilliant, and both Dipper and Trembley point out that Mabel’s silliness was what allowed them to find and free Trembley in the first place. With their combined silly brilliance (or “silliance” as I like to call it), Mabel and Trembley try to escape the crate they’re trapped in by squeezing through a tiny hole. Not the best idea, but their wriggling fingers catch the attention of a hungry woodpecker and it pecks the crate apart.

Dipper, Mabel and Trembley are chased by Durland and Blubs until they reach the top of the train. Blubs orders them to surrender but Dipper’s quick thinking saves the day; since Trembley did not officially resign from office, he is still technically the President, so Blubs and Durland have to obey his orders. Trembley tells them to forget everything that happened and go on a nice vacation, which they happily do. Before returning to town, Trembley rewards the twins for their ingenuity by making Mabel an official Congressman and giving Dipper the negative-twelve dollar bill and the President’s Key which unlocks any door.

Mabel tracks down Pacifica and tries to tell her about the conspiracy she’s uncovered, but she would rather keep belittling her than listen. Dipper tells Mabel to show her the papers that prove the Northwest legacy is a fraud, but after everything Mabel has been through, she’s realized that there’s nothing for her to prove. She’s proud of who she is and no one can change that.

Phew! The sweater’s back on, ladies and gentlemen. Mabel is back in top form.

Dipper, on the other hand, has learned nothing and he cheerfully pops Pacifica’s bubble himself. With everything resolved, Quentin Trembley departs, vowing to return the day America needs him most. Dipper and Mabel go looking for Grunkle Stan and – oh yeah, what has Stan been up to this whole time?

 

This is one of my personal favorite episodes of Gravity Falls. If you haven’t guessed by now, Mabel is my favorite character on the show. Her innocence, heart, creativity and just how well-written she is overall makes me love her more every time I see her. She could have easily been an annoying hyperactive kid but for all her quirks she’s still human and hard to hate. Plus, big surprise, seeing her bullied the way she was in this episode was very similar to how I was for most of my youth. I was a silly fun-loving creative kid who was put down by girls just like Pacifica. They took the things I were and made me hate myself for being them. It was a long time before I learned to learn to be happy with who I was, so her struggle is more than identifiable here. It’s personal. Also, this episode gives me the chance to talk about Durland and Blubs, because they are some of the best side characters in the show. Alex Hirsch wanted to create a pair of cops that were the complete opposite of the seasoned officer looking down his nose at his younger inexperienced partner that you’d usually find in other programs, and instead made them the closest friends you could possibly imagine. Every time you see them together they’re so happy to be with each other, whether it’s solving a mystery or bringing ghost stories and friendship bracelets on the train for a sleepover. Their moments make for some of the funniest yet simultaneously heartwarming seconds in the series. It also brings up the question as to exactly how close they are, but that’s one I’ll save that for another time. Quentin Trembley is a great one-off character; he’s like if Baron Munchausen and Willy Wonka had a son that grew up watching nothing but Homestar Runner, and I wish we could have seen more of him in the series. There’s not much going on outside the main plot other than Grunkle Stan being constantly humiliated in the stocks, but that’s all good fun. In the end, “Irrational Treasure” is a fun episode that gives us more of the town’s colorful background, some solid laughs with the side characters, a great unconventional mystery that serves as a fun riff on the National Treasure movies, and a set of heroes we can get behind. Mystery Twins are go!

 

And the Internet Went:

Mabel’s woobie status for much of the episode earned her a whole lot of fans, and how can you not like the crazy-awesomeness of Quentin Trembley?

End Credits Craziness: Quentin Trembley making a plea to the Supreme Court of babies but not getting through to them, the callous fools.

Callbacks: Apart from Mabel’s rivalry with Pacifica rearing its ugly head and some of the documents alluding to one or two things that either have or will happened, not much. This may be the episode with the fewest callbacks to anything.

Crowning Line of Hilawesomeness: Dipper and Trembley on the subject of the negative-twelve dollar bill – “Whoa, this is worthless.” “It’s less than worthless, my boy!”

Mabel SWatch (Sweater Watch): Purple with a dog playing basketball

Dear Princess Celestabelleabethabelle: The things that make you special are the things that make you strong, no matter how silly other people think they are.

Where’s that wacky triangle at?

Elsewhere…for now…

 

It’s your pig, Mabel! Something’s gotta be done about your pig!!…next time in “The Time Traveler’s Pig”. See you then!

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12-5-20’19 8-15-16-5 20-8-1-20 4-1-25 20-18-5-13-2-12-5-25 20-1-12-11-5-4 1-2-15-21-20 9-14-22-15-12-22-5-19 8-9-13 3-18-1-19-8-9-14-7 8-9-19 8-15-18-19-5 15-14 20-15 4-15-14-1-12-4 20-18-21-13-16 19-15-13-5-20-9-13-5 23-9-20-8-9-14 20-8-5 14-5-24-20 6-5-23 8-15-21-18-19.

A Special Shelf for the Holidays

I’m sure for some of you the holiday music and bargains have gone up everywhere whether you like it or not. Here, it’s gonna be the same, but this time I’m giving you a wider selection – a whole SHELF’S worth!

For the entire month of November, I’m opening up a Shelf dedicated not only to Christmas and holiday-related movies, but miscellaneous media that are categorized thusly:

Holiday Favorites

Beloved (and a few not-so-beloved) Christmas films that we love to rewatch this time of the year.

Very Special Specials & Shorts

Classic holiday tv specials ranging from the iconic to the obscure, Christmas episodes of beloved shows, and perennial animated shorts.

Marginally Related Masterpieces

Movies that aren’t necessarily Christmasy, but are aired around the holidays anyway or just have a Christmas-like atmosphere.

 

You can find this Shelf at the top of the blog under Christmas Shelf! Leave your vote for December’s review in the comments or email me at upontheshelfshow@gmail.com. As always, you can only vote once.

Happy voting, and let the season of merriment commence!

Your Review for November is…

Hope you had a fun Halloween! Now that the day dedicated to villains, monsters and maniacs is out of the way, it’s time to look at the lighter side of things as the holidays approach.

You movie for November is…