Merry Christmas!

To all my readers and friends, I’d like to wish a very Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and a happy and safe New Year. May your homes be filled with love, laughter, and light, and you get everything you ask for.

 

Now let’s leave 2016 like how a good guy walks away from an explosion in a movie, without looking back at the loud smoldering wreck behind us, and celebrate!

Gravity Falls: “Little Dipper” (S01E11)

If you’re new to the blog or just want to revisit from the beginning, click HERE to read the review for “Tourist Trapped”.

Previously on Gravity Falls:
Dipper and Mabel Pines are sent to Gravity Falls to spend the summer with their Grunkle Stan, who runs a tourist trap called the Mystery Shack. Dipper finds a journal in which the enigmatic Author has chronicled some of the unusual happenings and inhabitants of the town, and he vows to follow in his (or her) footsteps to unravel Gravity Falls’ mysteries while bonding with his wild sister and cranky Grunkle. He also must deal with Stan’s business rival and Mabel’s ex-boyfriend, Gideon Gleeful, who has his own sinister plans for the Mystery Shack.

 

We open on Gideon plotting in his room on how to get his revenge on the Pines family. He consults his Journal but can’t find a resolution that doesn’t just hurt them; he wants his vengeance to give him “ultimate power”. Then he gets an idea…

The Pines are chilling at home when Stan gets called upon by a man in a business suit. Horrified that this may be the tax collector he’s been trying to avoid for years, Stan tries to make his escape but the man is from a Publisher’s Clearinghouse-type sweepstakes and he informs him he’s won a million dollars. He has Stan sign a check but then Gideon appears. Surprise, it was all a ruse to have him sign over the Mystery Shack to widdle ol’ him. Stan is one step ahead of him, however.

The next day Dipper beats Mabel in several consecutive games of chess and wastes no time gloating over it (I wouldn’t either, have you TRIED playing that game?) Soos asks Mabel to get him a jar from a shelf and Dipper goes for it, but Soos points out that Mabel is the taller of the two. Dipper refuses to believe it until Soos measures them.

“Yep, she’s one millimeter taller. It also says you’re extremely stubborn and suspicious while she’s prone to giggling and not tidying up.”

Mabel leaps at the opportunity to lord her slightly superior height over Dipper and Grunkle Stan joins in the teasing. Dipper takes it to heart and searches his Journal for a possible solution. An entry on miniature buffalo found in the woods leads him to explore there until he finds a crystal-laden glade filled with tiny animals. A regular-sized mountain lion pounces at him but shrinks when it leaps through the rays of light passing through one of the crystals, and a tiny butterfly becomes gargantuan when flying through another beam.

Dipper attaches a crystal to a flashlight and experiments making chess pieces shrink and grow before making himself 2 millimeters taller. He shows off his new height in front of Mabel but she’s convinced she’s still the “alpha twin” because women grow faster than men. Dipper gives himself another growth spurt until he’s a foot taller. Mabel quickly catches on that this isn’t natural and makes the obvious deduction – an invisible wizard did it.

“Shit, she’s on to me!”

Christmas Reviews: “Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire”

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animated, animation, Barney Gumbel, Bart, Bart Simpson, Christmas, christmas bonus, Christmas cartoon, christmas episode, christmas pageant, christmas shopping, christmas special, Grandpa Simpson, greyhound, holiday episode, holiday special, Homer, Homer Simpson, Lisa, Lisa Simpson, Maggie, Maggie Simpson, Marge, Marge Simpson, Matt Groening, Milhouse, Moe, Mr. Burns, Patty and Selma, Principal Skinner, Santa's Little Helper, season one, Simpsons, Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire, Smithers, Snowball 2, Springfield, tv review, tv special

“Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire” holds a very special place in my heart in terms of Simpsons episodes. It’s not only the first episode of the series, but also the very first one I ever watched at the impressionable age of two or three. This was before The Simpsons got its reputation for not being a particularly family-friendly show, but early enough that it was the only episode I saw in full for years due to parental interference. Then they released the seasons annually on DVD and my cousin got me into it after he started collecting them. I love the show as much as anyone else does (the first ten or so seasons were great, then it’s a long slow trip downhill). The Simpsons have done quite a lot of Christmas episodes in their nearly 30 season run, but how does their first one hold up? Let’s look.

Christmas Review: “Rocko’s Modern Christmas (You Can’t Squeeze Cheer From a Cheese Log!)”

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1990's, 90's, animated, animation, Bev Bighead, Bighead, Carlos Alazraqui, Christmas, Christmas cartoon, christmas elves, christmas party, christmas shopping, christmas special, christmas tree, Ed Bighead, elves, Filbert, fruitcake man, Heffer, holiday episode, holiday special, Joe Murray, mitch the elf, Mr. Bighead, Mr. Lawrence, nickelodeon, Nickelodeon Christmas, Nicktoon, nicktoons, O Town, racism, Rocko, rocko's modern christmas, Rocko's Modern Life, Spunky, Stephen Hillenburg, The Bigheads, Tom Kenny, turtle, wallaby, you can't squeeze cheer from a cheese log

Rocko’s Modern Life was one of my favorite Nicktoons growing up, though I had shockingly little memories of watching the holiday episode. I remembered the first minute, but not what happened afterwards, maybe because I was unable to finish watching it for whatever reason. When I got the complete series a few years back I was thrilled to finally watch it in its entirety and has since become one of my must-see annual Christmas episodes of any tv series. Sometimes I even watch it when it isn’t Christmas because it’s just too fun to have to wait for it.

For anyone who’s not familiar with Rocko’s Modern Life, it’s one of those cartoons that sounds really weird when trying to explain the premise yet works almost flawlessly in practice. Created during the first big wave of Nicktoons in the early 90’s Rocko’s Modern Life is a slice-of-life series about a down-to-earth wallaby, the titular Rocko, who moves from Australia to O-Town, U.S.A. and his miscellaneous adventures with his buddies as he adjusts to life in America. This being an early Nicktoon, it’s got wacky animation and a ton of adult humor that went over my head as a kid but I freaking loved it. It’s certainly not without some heart, either. Joe Murray, the creator, incorporated some of his own life experiences into certain episodes like “I Have No Son” and the famous “Wacky Delli” and you can tell it comes from a genuine emotional place. It’s a show shockingly very relatable now that I’m older. So how does it dish out its own brand of yuletide spirit? Let’s find out.

Christmas Reviews: Futurama – “A Tale of Two Santas”

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A Tale of Two Santas, amy wong, bender, billy west, Christmas, Christmas cartoon, christmas elves, christmas episode, christmas special, Fry, futurama, Hermes Conrad, john dimaggio, kif, leela, new new york, philip j. fry, Planet Express, prof. farnsworth, robot, robot santa, santa claus, sci-fi parody, turanaga leela, year 3000, zapp brannigan

I’d like to apologize for the early post. I accidentally scheduled it to go up before it was completed. On the bright side it gives me better segue into the review instead of jumping right into it.

So how does Futurama fare on its second Christmas outing? Let’s continue.

It’s Christmas Eve once again, and the head of Walter Cronkite appears on the news to warn the world of Santa’s impending jolly rampage. Prof. Farnsworth has Planet Express HQ barricaded to the extreme so no one can get in or out. Unfortunately he has one last mission for Leela, Bender and Fry – delivering children’s letters to Santa.

On their way to his fortress on Neptune, Fry and Leela read some of the letters. Each one is a plea Santa not to visit and inflict pain and terror as he does every year. Once again Fry wishes for the good old days when Xmas was about bringing the family together and not blowing them apart. After landing on Neptune and seeing the squalor the Neptunians, the aliens who used to act as his elves, are living in after Santa shuttered the toy factory, the three come up with a plan to stop his evil deeds forever.

The elves usher the sack of letters into the fortress with the gang inside. Santa, now voiced by John DiMaggio, is busy watching people around the world and marking them down as naughty regardless of what they do. I have to admit, as great a voice actor as DiMaggio is, it’s jarring to hear the voice of Santa switch from John Goodman to someone trying to sound like him. Was Goodman too expensive to have return? Was it just easier for DiMaggio to just do an impression? I like consistency in my voice acting, and this is a change I’m not completely fond of.

Anyway, just to get an idea of how Santa judges, he sees the robot mafia beating up a shopkeeper for protection money and judges them as naughty. He also judges the shopkeeper to be naughty, however, because he’s not paying them. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say he’d come to the same conclusion even if he did, meaning Santa really needs to be taken down a notch.

Everyone pops out of the bag but Leela slams Santa with a head-exploding paradox before he can kill them: his job is to give presents to the nice and destroy the naughty, however most of those he punishes are in fact nice, meaning HE must be naughty and destroyed as well. Sure enough, this causes Santa’s head to explode. Before they can celebrate, however, a new head pops out of his body because he was built with paradox-absorbing backups or something like that. He gives chase and while holding back the Planet Express ship, the engines melt the ice beneath him. He sinks and gets frozen up to his head. Everyone is overjoyed that Santa’s reign of terror is over and Fry decides to take on the role of gift giver. Bender points out that only a robot would be able to deliver billions of gifts in one night and begrudgingly decides to become Santa himself. What follows is one of my favorite musical Futurama moments where everyone works last minute to prepare for Bender’s flight. It’s catchy, the lyrics are funny, and Katey Segal has some nice pipes.

Bender arrives at the first home to find that the family there is afraid for their lives. They believe his promise of gifts are nothing but a trick and unleash whatever firearms they have on him. Bender is met with generally the same attitude at every house he visits, even at Planet Express. This is the biggest problem I have with this episode. After hundreds of years of having Santa be viewed as a literal killing machine, did nobody think to spread the news that there’s a new kinder non-violent Santa out to spread holiday cheer? It’s not like the internet doesn’t exist in this universe; it does, though it’s a bit like Tron where you get zapped inside virtual reality to do things. All it takes is one message or video sent out to the public and boom, no more worrying about Santa. This massive oversight has even harsher consequences for Bender as the police catch him on a street corner nursing his wounded pride with some liquor and also mistake him for the actual violent Santa. They arrest him, and after a kangaroo courtroom scene, he is sentenced to death for his crimes against humanity.

Knowing the only way to clear Bender’s name is to show the real Santa, Leela and Fry fly back to Neptune to take his frozen body back to Earth. Unfortunately they find the planet under the effects of extreme global warming due to pollution from the toy factory and Santa is freed from his icy tomb. After escaping his holly jolly wrath, Fry and Leela flee to think up another way to save Bender. Both are unaware that Santa has stowed away on the ship.

Mayor Poopenmeyer prepares to execute Bender by pulling him apart with electromagnets (because it’s the only humane way that isn’t boring) but Hermes, Fry and Amy appear in Santa garb pulling an “I’m Spartacus!” in a last ditch effort to make everyone believe they have the wrong Santa Claus.

And Zoidberg shows up as Jesus, just in case someone watching the execution complains about not having enough Christ in Christmas.

The Mayor isn’t convinced though, and begins the process of tearing Bender slowly in two.  It’s horrible, but at least it’s not boring. The real Santa barges in, shoots up the place and frees him. Bender thanks him while also pleading for his life, but Santa’s not here for revenge. Time is running short, and Santa needs all the help he can get in order to “save” Christmas, so he recruits Bender to join his slaying. As they wreak havoc throughout the world together, everyone at Planet Express huddles together for safety and Fry comes to a realization – this Xmas HAS brought them together, not with love but with fear, and that counts for something.

As the night ends, Santa gives Bender a small present as his way of saying thank you. Bender’s disappointed that it’s an empty box, but Santa explains: “It might appear empty, but the message is clear – play Santa again and I’ll kill you next year!” Then he kicks him out of the sleigh in midair.

 

Personally I prefer the first Futurama Xmas episode over this one, but “A Tale of Two Santas” isn’t without its merits. I like the song in this one more, the moments in the courtroom and leading up to Bender’s execution are funny, and the characters are very much in character with Bender only becoming Santa under protest but also with the hope that he’ll be showered with praise and rewards for doing so. They even have some fun with the fact that he’s possibly, with the exception of the Robot Devil and Richard Nixon’s head, the most evil character on the show, as shown in this moment where Santa is asking Bender to join him after breaking him out.

Fry: Don’t do it! He’s evil!
Santa: I know he is, but that’s beside the point.

Other than that, the voice acting inconsistency rubs me the wrong way, especially since they keep DiMaggio as Santa for the rest of the series, the plothole with them not telling anyone before sending Bender out to deliver presents bugs me, and while the moments of mean-spirited comedy were handled well in the previous episode, they’re not here. If it were me I would have had the last scene with Bender and Santa happen before Fry and the Planet Express crew huddle together and have Bender come crashing in and joining them, making the ending both darkly humorous and heartwarming. All this still doesn’t stop me from watching it at least a few parts from it though, if not the full episode.

There is one other Futurama holiday-themed episode made during the series’ second run, but I won’t be looking into it because fans like myself agree it’s one of the worst episodes of the show. They go for a Treehouse of Horror/Anthology of Interest approach with three different tales relating to the big three December holidays – Christmas, Hanukkah (or in this case Robonukkah for Bender) and Kwanzaa, but the comedy is awful, the songs are forced and forgettable, and it ends with every single one of the characters dying in horrible ways. If I had to choose between that and “A Tale of Two Santas”, I’d pick the latter in a heartbeat.

Christmas Reviews: Futurama – “Xmas Story”

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amy wong, bender, billy west, Christmas, Christmas cartoon, christmas episode, christmas parody, christmas shopping, christmas special, conan o'brien, Fry, futurama, future, Hermes Conrad, holiday episode, holiday special, john dimaggio, John Goodman, katey segal, leela, mutant, nibbler, phil lamarr, philip j. fry, Planet Express, prof. farnsworth, robot, robot santa, santa claus, santa claus is gunning you down, sci-fi parody, skiing, tinny tim, Turanga Leela, xmas, Xmas Story, year 3000

Futurama is one of my favorite television series. The brainchild of Matt Goening, creator of The Simpsons, it enjoyed a brief run on Fox before regaining popularity on Adult Swim reruns, which was how I was introduced to it. After some successful direct-to-video movies, it was revived on Fox for a few more seasons. It has a hard-earned place in the heart of nerd culture for its sense of humor, beloved characters, and crazy world of New-New York, 3000 AD. Early on in its second season, the first Christmas episode, “Xmas Story”, premiered in time for the holidays, and I’ll be looking at it today.

But first, a brief breakdown of the series up to that point: Our main character, Philip J. Fry, is a 30 year old pizza delivery boy from the year 1999. On New Year’s Eve, he was accidentally cryogenically frozen and awoken in the year 3000. He becomes a delivery boy for Planet Express, a delivery company run by his extremely great-nephew, Prof. Farnsworth and works alongside a cyclops alien captain named Leela and amoral beer-guzzling robot Bender as he tries to adjust to this strange new world.

The Planet Express crew – Fry (Billy West), Leela (Katey Segal), Bender (John DiMaggio) and Farnsworth (also West) as well as intern Amy Wong (Lauren Tom), bureaucrat Hermes Conrad (Phil LaMarr) and Dr. Zoidberg (West) – spend a day up at the Catskills enjoying the comedic stylings of Conan O’Brien’s head (celebrities and presidents from years gone by are preserved as living heads in jars). After Bender and Conan heckle each other, everyone goes skiing and plenty of slapstick ensues.

While relaxing at the lodge Fry remarks that it’s moments like this that puts you in the Christmas mood. The others are confused over this “Christmas” until Fry spells it as “Xmas”. It turns out in the future people just call it the abbreviated version of the holiday. Fry is a little sad that this will be his first Xmas without his family, but the gang tries to cheer him up by going to the woods and chopping down an old-fashioned tree. This only exacerbates Fry’s homesickness as he learns that pine trees have been extinct for centuries and palm trees are now the go-to Xmas tree substitute.

They fly back to Planet Express HQ and decorate, but Fry is too caught up in his memories of Xmas past to join in the fun. Hermes delivers cards from family members to everyone in the crew but Leela. Leela takes a moment for herself to look at some old pictures from her childhood. All of them are of her without family or friends. She returns in time for Fry to loudly demand some sympathy and she runs off crying. Fry wonders what that was about and Amy reminds him that Leela was an orphan, and the only known cyclops species in the universe. Fry may feel alone this Xmas, but Leela’s spent her whole life alone.

Bender catches a touching story on the news about homeless robots getting the alcohol they need to function from soup kitchens and decides to go to one himself – not to volunteer of course, but to help himself to free booze.

Fry, meanwhile, is feeling awful for being insensitive towards Leela and vows to find her the perfect Xmas present to cheer her up. It’s getting dark though, and the crew warns him that Santa will be out soon. In one last stark bit of contrast to our Christmas, they reveal Santa is a robot (voiced by John Goodman) originally built to judge who’s been naughty or nice and deliver presents, but his standards have been set to beyond Jesus-levels of niceness and he automatically judges everyone to be naughty. Rather than distribute coal, he punishes everyone in extremely violent ways. This doesn’t put Fry off, however, and he searches all of New-New York to find a good last-minute gift.

At the homeless shelter, Bender is able to pass himself off as a homeless robot and he guzzles as much alcohol as he can get his hands on. He softens for a moment on seeing a crippled orphan robot Tinny Tim approach bowl in hand like Oliver Twist but is denied after the kitchen runs out. He doesn’t give him his alcohol, but he does let him hang out with him for the rest of the episode which counts for something I guess.

Fry tracks down a pet store two minutes before closing and is torn between buying a $500 parrot or 500 lizards that cost a dollar each.

Never mind that Leela already has a pet that poops out free fuel and has the voice of Frank Welker.

Fry decides on the parrot but it quickly proves to be a nuisance and it escapes. Fry climbs on to a clock tower ledge to retrieve it and ends up clinging for his life Harold Lloyd-style. Leela appears to rescue him after the crew told her where he went. As they both walk home, they realize that though they’re both alone, they can be alone together. Everything is wrapped up nicely…

“I’LL SHOW YOU THE LIFE OF THE VINE! I’LL SHOW YOU THE LIFE OF THE VINE!!”

Santa appears and is ready to stuff their stockings until they burst for not considering each others’ or their coworkers’ feelings. Leela and Fry find themselves cornered say their goodbyes. Fry notices that they’re standing under mistletoe, making their farewell a bittersweet one…until they’re interrupted by Santa’s TOW missile heading for them. They’re saved at the last minute by the parrot conveniently flying in its path.

They run into Bender and Tinny Tim, who have been out robbing old ladies together under the guise of friendly carolers. Santa calls out Bender for being especially naughty. Bender tries to pin his long roster of crimes on Tinny Tim, and when Santa stops to add the act of framing an orphan to his list they all make a break for Planet Express. They manage to get inside but so do Santa and his reindeer before the chimney can be blocked.

Santa declares everyone to be naughty and worthy of his punishment – except for Zoidberg. He gets a pogo stick. With Santa’s belly shaking a bowlful of nitro glycerin and Rudolph’s glowing nose as the timer, it seems like everyone is doomed. Zoidberg uses his present to reach the Christmas lights and cut them, electrocuting Santa. They succeed in kicking him and the reindeer into the fireplace and covering it before Santa is blown sky high.

Everyone can relax now that the danger is over and Bender makes Xmas dinner out of a very familiar-looking dead bird. Now I’m not one for mean-spiritedness in comedy, but the following exchange is one of my favorite moments in all of Futurama. Bender serves some of the parrot to little Tinny Tim, but Leela’s pet Nibbler gobbles up the entire meal, including Tim’s portion. Fry stands up to make an important announcement:

Fry: Look, the food isn’t what’s important.
Tim: I’m so hungry.

Maybe it’s the delivery, maybe it’s how they play up Tim’s sad little orphan act as much as possible throughout that it transcends tragedy and enters comedy, but it cracks me up every time.

Fry concludes that even though he’s surrounded by aliens and robots and Jamaicans, he feels perfectly at home this Xmas. The evening concludes with everyone cheering and singing that classic song “Santa Claus is Gunning You Down”.

 

“Xmas Story” is one of my go-to episodes of Futurama, and a perennial holiday favorite. It does a fun job showing what an alternate sci-fi version of Christmas would be like, all played for laughs of course. I didn’t even touch on half the funny lines or scenes in this episode. They go all out on the jokes, even ripping on some beloved stories like A Charlie Brown Christmas and The Gift Of The Magi, but they don’t hold back on the heartwarming moments either. If you’re not familiar with Futurama, the world and the characters that inhabit it might be a lot to take in, but I hope this gives you more incentive to give the series a chance.

But this isn’t the only time Fry Bender and Leela go toe-to-toe with Santa. Join me in the next review to find out who’s been naughty and who’s been nice.

Gravity Falls Reviews: “Fight Fighters” (S01E10)

If you’re new to the blog or just want to revisit from the beginning, click HERE to read the review for “Tourist Trapped”.

If you’re the person who’s been visiting this post and only this post seven times a day for the past two weeks, you’re kinda freaking me out, man. I’ve got more than one post on this blog that are much more entertaining to read than this one.

Previously on Gravity Falls:
Dipper and Mabel Pines are spending the summer in the little town of Gravity Falls with their Grunkle Stan, who runs a tourist trap called the Mystery Shack. Thanks to the mysterious Journal Dipper discovered on his first day there, he and Mabel have fought off monsters, been haunted by convenience store ghosts, and uncovered a major conspiracy in the town’s past. Dipper has also developed a crush on Wendy, the coolest teenage girl in town, but must deal with her new jerk boyfriend Robbie.

Wow, ten episodes! Let’s see what’s in store for us.

Soos shows the Pines twins and Grunkle Stan around his favorite place in Gravity Falls that isn’t the Mystery Shack, the arcade. Dipper and Wendy spend their hard-earned quarters on a Street Fighter/Mortal Kombat knockoff, Fight Fighters until Robbie butts in to flirt with her and show off the posters for his band before kicking Dipper out of the game so he can play with Wendy.

Now let’s talk about Robbie for a second. Alex Hirsch all but set out to make a mix of the worst of teenage goth punks and the worst of toxic masculine stereotypes. In short, he’s a total jerk. When his bravado is up against Dipper’s brains, however, we’re shown not only how much of a bully and a coward he is, but just how plain pathetic he can be too. Beneath the grimaces and eyeliner he’s just another dumb self-centered teenager who thinks he knows better, no matter how tough he tries to act.

And how close he comes to succeeding as well.

The next day, the Pines’ card game is interrupted by Robbie attempting to serenade Wendy outside with his guitar. Everyone debates who should go out to talk to him and Dipper doesn’t hesitate for a second. He tells Robbie that Wendy’s gone camping with her family that day, something he’d know if was actually paying attention to her instead of concentrating on kicking her butt in video games. Robbie catches on that Dipper also has a thing for Wendy, and despite the age gap feels very threatened by him (the sign of a true bully). He taunts Dipper by calling Wendy so he can ask her out himself but Dipper accidentally breaks his phone.

BIG. FUCKING. MISTAKE.

Dipper apologizes and even offers to pay for it, but Robbie is through messing around. Do anything to a teenager and their hormones make them invulnerable, but mess with their cell phone and YOU OPEN THE GATES OF HELL. He challenges Dipper to a fight that day at three o’clock. Dipper gets no helpful advice from Stan or Soos – on the contrary, Stan was gonna call up his pals to watch them fight – though Mabel suggests that he and Robbie shouldn’t duke it out; they should just keep hating each other in secret like women do (and who says Mabel isn’t the sensible one in the group?)

While Mabel is lamenting Dipper’s fate, she slowly discovers the “fearless” Gunkle Stan has a crippling fear of heights. It’s so bad he doesn’t even keep a ladder in the house, though he does keep ten guns in case some maniac tries to sneak a ladder inside. Mabel can either go about curing his fear in her own way or leave well enough alone. I think we know what she’ll end up doing.

Dipper decides to spend the day hiding in the arcade while Soos attempts to live out his dream of going inside a video game.

“Help! This isn’t fun at all! Tron lied to me…again!”

Dipper wastes time on Fight Fighters wishing he had the extra lives and fighting power the characters have. Then he finds a cheat code inscribed on the game cabinet that promises to unleash ultimate power. He tries it out and the game screen becomes a glowing white void. A voice tells him to choose his character and Dipper picks out American fighter Rumble McSkirmish.

Oh boy, I hope the Turbo fangirls never find out about this code.

Rumble McSkirmish is one of the most entertaining characters to appear in Gravity Falls. He looks and acts just like a character right out of an 80’s video game, and Brian Bloom’s over-the-top delivery sells the equally over-the-top cliches he espouses. Also, his 16-bit animation is done by famed pixel artist Paul Robertson, who was behind the sprite animation of the Scott Pilgrim vs. The World video game, and for purposefully limited animation it looks great. Rumble doesn’t just act like he does in the game, he brings many of the world-bending characteristics of the game out with him – he eats by putting food in a power-up menu, his “standing still” consists of his sprite shuffling back and forth, and health bars appear above him and his opponents throughout the episode.

Rumble is eager for a fight, and since his dream of taking on the best fighters in the Soviet Union isn’t exactly plausible, Dipper mentions that he’d like him to help deal with Robbie – which Rumble takes as a challenge to defend Dipper’s honor after Robbie killed his father because Rumble has a thing for villains killing his father on multiple occasions (Hey, I don’t question video game logic and neither should you). Dipper shrugs and goes “Yeah why not?” and takes Rumble to power up for the upcoming battle. Dipper introduces Mabel to Rumble and her first reaction is to get him to say some funny-sounding words in his overly enthusiastic voice.

“Mabel, cut it out! This isn’t Honest Trailers!”

Mabel brings up that having a “bodyguard” is kind of cheating, and she’s not wrong on that account. Dipper assures her that he has no intention of actually hurting Robbie, he just wants Rumble to scare him into chickening out and leaving him alone.

Dipper and Robbie meet at the park and Dipper gives Robbie the chance to call off the fight before he ends up regretting it. Robbie is intent on going through with it, however, and isn’t exactly impressed when Dipper brings out Rumble. Dipper sics Rumble on him, but Rumble pulls no punches and starts beating the snot out of Robbie. It turns out he will not stop until the one he considers his archenemy, Robbie, is utterly destroyed, and he will double punch, air kick, and HADOUKEN him into oblivion if he has to. Rumble chases him and we get some hilarious pastiches of games including Donkey Kong and Double Dragon as Rumble wreaks havoc all over town.

While this has been going on, Mabel has been trying to fix Stan by making him wear high heels and taking him for a walk blindfolded to nowhere in particular (I think Stan is starting to rub off on her). She takes him up the water tower to confront his phobia directly but Robbie is hiding from Rumble up there. The mad fighter catches him and nearly knocks down the tower in order to get Robbie. Mabel and Stan hang on for dear life while Robbie nearly falls to his death. Having faced death and lived, Grunkle Stan celebrates being cured, but there’s a little problem – now Mabel’s the one who’s afraid of heights.

Rumble is about to deliver the coup de grace when Dipper stands between them. He tells Rumble that he lied about Robbie being the more emo human version of Scar, which shakes Rumble to the core. He wants to fight Dipper to defend his honor and Dipper, in a noble but soon-to-be regretted move, chooses to take the Pacifist route and lets Rumble beat the everloving crap out of him instead of running away. Seriously, all over-the-top video game moves aside, it’s brutal if you remember this is happening to a twelve year-old kid. By the time it’s over it looks like every bone in his body is broken. Dipper has the last laugh, however, because once Rumble does his victory cutscene animation, he’s transported back into his game for good.

Robbie, thoroughly traumatized after everything that’s transpired asks just why the hell all the crazy stuff happens whenever Dipper’s around. Dipper doesn’t have an answer but he’s sure about one thing – he’s not going to run and hide from Robbie any more. Robbie is ready to let him have it but hesitates when Dipper refuses to even flinch. He backs off, saying that it wouldn’t be worth it anymore. Dipper recommends a Cold War truce – they keep on hating each other in silence, an idea that comes into play when Wendy immediately returns from camping and questions what happened. They both play it off as them just hanging out, which makes her happy. Once her back is turned, however…

“Fight Fighters” is an episode that, like “Dipper v. Manliness” I don’t return to often, but it has a number of hilarious moments that make it fun to watch, especially the ones centering on the character of Rumble McSkirmish. I don’t really care for most of the episodes that focus on Dipper and Robbie’s rivalry partly because we’ve seen it before in other stories and because they really make you hate Robbie, and unfortunately there’s quite a few more like this one before Season One is through. Alex Hirsch himself admitted that if he went back and did the show over again he’d have less episodes that did that. Still, it is worth it for all the fun nods and jabs at classic arcade games. Like with Wreck-It Ralph, the creators showed their homework and love for these games in a variety of unexpected ways. If you’re a video game nerd you will be thoroughly fanserviced.

Also, this is the episode that spawns one of the most oft-quoted lines in the series and has thankfully caught on outside it too – the Raven-Symone inspired, “Why you ackin’ so cray-cray?” It’s so ridiculous and in tune with how so many people on the internet today talk I love it. It would make the Crowning Line of Hilawesomeness except it keeps popping up in other episodes so I don’t think that would be entirely fair.

And the Internet Went:

Wendy-Dipper shippers are ready to fight for their OTP, and the crazy video game homages bring in more fans.

End Credits Craziness: We see 8-bit versions of Dipper, Mabel, Wendy and Grunkle Stan in a Choose Your Character screen…getting eaten by Pac-Man Soos. Turns out he’s just dreaming.

Callbacks: Robbie suddenly remembers the convenience store incident, and his “explosion muffin” appears in various places. Also, the episode was foreshadowed in the previous one when Blendin’s suit malfunctioned and showed an image of the arcade. Speaking of, Mabel offers to sic Waddles on Robbie again, which I would have loved to see.

Crowning Line of Hilawesomeness: A lot of good ones in this episode, but the crown goes to Rumble’s finishing move – (inhales) – “SUPER-POWER-NINJA-TURBO-NEO-ULTRA-HYPER-MEGA-MULTI-ALPHA-META-EXTRA-UBER-PREFIX…COMBOOOOO!!!!”

Mabel SWatch (Sweater Watch): White with clover; magenta with a “scout’s honor” salute in front and fingers crossed in the back for when she takes Stan out on his walk (smooth, Mabel.)

Dear Princess Celestabelleabethabelle: I’ve learned that winners don’t lose! I mean, uh, winners don’t run from a fight. They face their fears in a mature way that doesn’t always have to end in violence…usually.

Where’s that wacky triangle at?

Elsewhere…for now…

Next time, prepare all your short puns, it’s “Little Dipper”. See you then!

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19-23-9-14-7 20-8-15-19-5 14-15-15-4-12-5 1-18-13-19 6-18-15-13 19-9-4-5 20-15 19-9-4-5, 3-15-13-5 15-14, 12-5-20’19 7-15, 9-20’19 20-9-13-5 20-15 4-15 20-8-5 4-9-16-16-5-18-15!

It’s Time for Christmas Reviews!

(yawn)

That was a nice nap. I should probably get started writing that Christmas –

 

IT’S DECEMBER FOURTH ALREADY?!

 

Sorry for falling behind on the announcement everyone. This past week has been pretty stressful. Also, something happened that I didn’t quite anticipate. Not as many people cast a vote for a review as usual, and everyone who did picked something different. Normally I would pick the winner from a hat, but with the holiday season in full swing my job is going to keep me extra busy so writing a full review of one movie will be very difficult seeing how I won’t have much time to even watch it.

With that said, I’m taking an alternate route. Throughout the month of December I’ll be looking at some of my favorite holiday shorts and episodes of classic tv shows. I’m sorry if I disappointed anyone, but I’ll still be doing my hardest to make these shorter reviews as entertaining as possible. Who knows, maybe you’ll want to check some of these specials out when they’re done.

 

Regarding the month of January, things should hopefully slow down by then. I haven’t set a theme or select picks for that time, and I’m considering taking a break so I don’t burn myself out, but if you want to leave a vote for then by all means do. You can find all the movies available to vote for under “What’s On the Shelf” at the top of the blog. You can vote once by leaving a comment or emailing me at upontheshelfshow@gmail.com. I recently added some new movies there, so I recommend checking it out.
Thanks, and see you at the next review!