Gravity Falls Review: “Weirdmageddon Part 3: Take Back The Falls” (S2E20)

“There, that’s the last bit of unicorn hair we need.”

“Bravo, Ms. Shelf! How on earth were you able to acquire such a rarity?”

“Well, it wasn’t easy. Those unicorns really took what I said about them in “The Last Mabelcorn” to heart. Apologies were in order…and I had to promise I’d seriously consider reviewing a certain magical equine series once this mess is wrapped up.”

“If we make this out alive, I’m gonna have SO much fun ripping into Flurry Heart.”

“We’ll worry about who’s reviewing what when the time comes. There’s just one more thing.”

“The deal I technically made with Bill granted me near anonymity with my reviews; no photos, no talking to a camera. Barely anyone out there knows what I really look like. If we defeat him, the deal ends, and I’m exposed.”

“Well, it can’t be as bad as all that, can it? It’d be nice to have a face to go along with these reviews you’ve been faithfully inscribing these past three years.”

“I know, Baron. But what if I disappoint people with how I look? Or what if a recruiter or an important company person looking for someone to do the kind of work I want to do recognizes me here, and my writing turns them away from hiring me?”

“It’s as you just said; we’ll deal with it when the time comes. Don’t you want to be free of this tiny plastic prison William has sequestered you in?”

“I…yeah, I do. One way or another, Bill’s going down. And I for one can’t think of a better day to deliver his geometric ass on a platter to him.”

“And what exactly is so special about today, if I may ask?”

---

Hello again, fleshbags! It turns out the Olympics are really boring, especially once they get into that “ain’t world peace and cooperation great” baloney. So I figured on today, the two year anniversary of my ultimate triumph, I’ll take a look back and revisit my moments of glory as your universe fell on to its knees and accepted me as its true lord and master for all eternity.

What? You don’t remember it going down that way? Someone needs to get their head checked, heh heh heh.

ALLOW ME.

Gravity Falls Reviews: “Weirdmageddon Part 2 – Escape From Reality”

“Boss, aren’t you gonna continue reviewing the rest of Weirdmageddon?”

“Pfft, why review something I already lived, Eight-Ball? Besides, the Olympics are on. I’ve got a bet with Pyronica to see which team crashes and burns the most.”

“But what if someone else gets to it first, like that Shelf reviewer?”

“Oh don’t worry, freak. Mabel’s bubble was one of the most diabolical things I ever concocted, and the episode surrounding it is no different for any reviewer…especially her…”

---

 

“Argh! The key to stopping Bill is right there, I can feel it! I just wish I had something more to go on than his narcissistic ramblings.”

“Perhaps looking at the next episode in the lineup might help?”

“Well, Bill’s barely in that one, but all right. Can’t think of anything particularly useful I can do at the moment anyway.”

Continuing from the previous episode, Soos, Wendy and Dipper enter the bubble Bill has imprisoned Mabel in –

“Uh, not to harp on continuity, but don’t you usually do a “Previously on Gravity Falls” before each recap?”

Previously on Gravity Falls: Bill has merged his dimension with ours, it’s the endtimes, Dipper’s got to find and rescue Mabel so they can figure out what to do next, blah blah blah.
Go here to catch up on Gravity Falls from the beginning.

“How insightful.”

“You’re not the one writing the review without looking over your shoulder for Bill every five minutes, Cynicism.”

Gravity Falls Reviews: Weirdmageddon Part 1 (S2E18) (As Translated by Up On the Shelf)

“Ms. Shelf, thank heavens we found you! Are you all right?”

“Well seeing as how I’ve spent the past few weeks trapped inside a vinyl figure forced to watch as a being of infinite nightmares wreaks havoc on my blog, I gotta say Baron, things could be better.”

“Good to hear. Now all we have to worry about is how to get rid of Triangle Man without him turning our heads into jelly.”

“True, though I have a feeling Bill would be more dangerously creative than just old-fashioned jello-fication. Actually, the more I think about it, why would Bill attempt another takeover in a fashion similar to his first? I mean, apart from ultimate power and domination it makes no sense, not even for a being like him.”

“Perhaps his most recent ramblings could give us some insight. Unfortunately I’ve attempted to translate it from Greek, Russian, Latin, and even French, and the answers have still eluded me.”

“Lemme take a look…”

“If my guess is correct, that’s not another language. It’s a code! All we’d have to do is run it through a translator and we’re golden!”

“Think you could do the honors? Not everyone’s got the patience or time on their hands that you have.”

*sigh* “Nice to know that Weirdmageddon hasn’t changed you either, Cynicism.”

---

What? You never watch Gravity Falls before? HAHAHAHA what a loser!

Previously on Gravity Falls: I, the glorious and now three-dimensional Bill Cipher cleverly manipulated a bunch of dumb humans into releasing me from my pitiful Nightmare Realm into their dimension! Yesterday Gravity Falls, today this blog, tomorrow the cosmos!

Hey kids! It’s your old pal Bill Cipher, and I’m taking control of this blog now! Who wants to hear about how I began to conquer the universe?!

Having finally achieved physical form I introduce myself and my crew of interdimensional nightmares to my new fleshy subjects and tell them we’re calling the shots in this world now. Yet they make the big mistake of vowing to defy me; all except Preston Northwest, who for one welcomes his new triangular overlord and is more than happy to push other less rich lifeforms under the bus to save his own skin. Of course what he doesn’t know is that I recognize a professional ass kisser when I see one, and I reward him as such.

I plan on doing the same thing to Trump when I come to collect on the deal we made back in ’16, except I’m switching his mouth with his ass to see if anyone can tell the difference!

With that loser out of the way, I begin decorating this normal little sad sack of an existence – stopping time, madness bubbles in the air, eyeball bats turning people into stone so they can make up my throne, and a giant pyramid in the sky to crash in. It’s the little things that make a place feel like home.

Now who wants to count how many satanic messages I’ve hidden in this special intro? First one to watch without blinking loses their soul!

Gravity Falls Reviews: “Dipper and Mabel Vs. the Future” (S2E17)

If you’re new to the blog or just want to revisit from the beginning, click HERE to read the review for “Tourist Trapped”.

BE WARNED – THIS IS A MAJOR EPISODE AND THERE WILL BE SPOILERS.

Previously on Gravity Falls: Summer in Gravity Falls has gotten a bit more crazy ever since Grunkle Stan returned his twin brother and Journal Author Ford from another dimension. Though the brothers are still at odds over a decades-old dispute, this hasn’t stopped Dipper from trying to get to know the side of his family he shares his brains from. Mabel, on the other hand, fears that this sudden change may mean one day their bond could go south as Stan and Ford’s did, and all that time Dipper’s spending with the Author seems to be proving her right…

Gravity Falls Review: “Roadside Attraction” (S02E16)

Tags

adventure, alex hirsch, bill cipher, bud gleeful, candy, cartoon review, deputy durland, dipper, dipper pines, Disney, disney review, election, fiddleford mcgucket, ford pines, gideon gleeful, gravity falls, gravity falls review, grenda, grunkle stan, jason ritter, journal, journal 3, journal#3, kristen schaal, lil gideon, mabel, mabel pines, magic, manly dan, mcgucket, mystery shack, old man mcgucket, pacifica, pacifica northwest, princess celestabellebethabelle, quest, sheriff blubs, soos, stanford pines, stanley pines, television review, tourist trap, tv review, tyler cutebiker, unicorn, wendy, wendy corderoy

If you’re new to the blog or just want to revisit from the beginning, click HERE to read the review for “Tourist Trapped”.

Previously on Gravity Falls: Summer in Gravity Falls has gotten a bit more crazy ever since Grunkle Stan returned his twin brother and Journal Author Ford Pines from another dimension. Though the brothers are still at odds over a decades-old falling-out, this hasn’t stopped Dipper from trying to get to know the side of his family he shares his brains from, Grunkle Stan from running the laboratory-turned-tourist trap known as The Mystery Shack, or Mabel from her calling of matchmaker, even with the looming threat of a demon with universal aspirations…

Now that the Mystery Shack has become the one place on Earth that is completely safe from the machinations of Bill Cipher, there’s only one thing that the Pines family can do now –

ROAD TRIP!!

Wait, what?

Gravity Falls Review: “The Last Mabelcorn” (S02E15)

Tags

adventure, alex hirsch, bill cipher, bud gleeful, candy, cartoon review, deputy durland, dipper, dipper pines, Disney, disney review, election, fiddleford mcgucket, ford pines, gideon gleeful, gravity falls, gravity falls review, grenda, grunkle stan, jason ritter, journal, journal 3, journal#3, kristen schaal, lil gideon, mabel, mabel pines, magic, manly dan, mcgucket, mystery shack, old man mcgucket, pacifica, pacifica northwest, princess celestabellebethabelle, quest, sheriff blubs, soos, stanford pines, stanley pines, television review, tourist trap, tv review, tyler cutebiker, unicorn, wendy, wendy corderoy

If you’re new to the blog or just want to revisit from the beginning, click HERE to read the review for “Tourist Trapped”.

Previously on Gravity Falls: Summer in Gravity Falls has gotten a bit more crazy ever since Grunkle Stan returned his twin brother and Journal Author Ford from another dimension. Though the brothers are still at odds over a decades-old dispute, this hasn’t stopped Dipper from trying to get to know the side of his family he shares his brains from. But some questions might be better left unanswered, especially when there’s a certain triangular nightmare demon involved…

It’s nighttime. The Pines family are sound asleep in the Mystery Shack. But Ford’s dreams are unsettling ones as an old foe makes himself known.

Bill’s happy to see his “friend” has returned, but the feeling’s far from mutual. Bill tells him that shutting down the portal hasn’t stopped his plan, and once the rift that’s keeping their dimensions separate has slipped out of Ford’s hands, well, it won’t be good. Ford wakes up in a cold sweat; the first thing he does the next morning is warn Dipper and Mabel about Bill, but is astounded when he learns they’re already more than familiar with him. Ford tells them that Bill is the most dangerous being he’s met, and if he achieves his goals no one will be safe. He does have a plan to protect his family by “Bill-proofing” the Mystery Shack. The only thing he needs is some unicorn hair, which can only be procured on a magical quest by a maiden who’s pure of heart.

You called?

Gravity Falls Review: “The Stanchurian Candidate” (S02E14)

Tags

adventure, alex hirsch, bill cipher, bud gleeful, candy, cartoon review, deputy durland, dipper, dipper pines, Disney, disney review, election, fiddleford mcgucket, ford pines, gideon gleeful, gravity falls, gravity falls review, grenda, grunkle stan, jason ritter, journal, journal 3, journal#3, kristen schaal, lil gideon, mabel, mabel pines, magic, manly dan, mcgucket, mystery shack, old man mcgucket, pacifica, pacifica northwest, princess celestabellebethabelle, quest, sheriff blubs, soos, stanford pines, stanley pines, television review, tourist trap, tv review, tyler cutebiker, unicorn, wendy, wendy corderoy

If you’re new to the blog or just want to revisit from the beginning, click HERE to read the review for “Tourist Trapped”.

Previously on Gravity Falls:

Sigh…

You ever have something you liked to watch that became difficult to fully enjoy after an event with highly negative repercussions  played out in an eerily similar manner to that bit of entertainment?

Well, that’s this episode for me. And House of Cards. And any episode of a comedy show where an amoral highly unqualified lunatic runs for office and we’re supposed to laugh at it because there’s no way anyone like that could actually win and endanger virtually the entire world for their own selfish gain, am I right people? Don’t get me wrong, there’s things I like about The Stanchurian Candidate that I still like now, but in the aftermath of the 2016 election there’s something about it that leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

To put it in perspective, The Stanchurian Candidate came out when Mayor Bellweather’s “human” counterpart was just beginning to make his political aspirations known. Like the very idea of Stan running for mayor, it seemed like a complete joke, a joke you could milk the hell out of ’cause, well, see the above response. No matter how much money or renown you have there’s no way anyone that short-sighted, ridiculously self-absorbed, or capable of spewing that much meme-worthy gibberish could actually win. Then, against all odds, though mostly with PR playing around behind the scenes among other things…well, you know the rest.

And suddenly the idea having a meme generator at the helm of the most powerful nation in the world is not funny anymore. Quite the opposite in fact. You need only look at the news to prove that.

Pictured: Shelf, November 9th, 2016

But enough dawdling. Let’s look at The Stanchurian Candidate and see why this innocuous episode of a hit animated show was an ominous foreshadowing of things to come.

Gravity Falls Review: “Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons” (S02E13)

Tags

adventure, alex hirsch, bill cipher, bud gleeful, candy, cartoon review, d&d, deputy durland, dipper, dipper pines, Disney, disney review, dungeons, election, fiddleford mcgucket, ford pines, gideon gleeful, gravity falls, gravity falls review, grenda, grunkle stan, jason ritter, journal, journal 3, journal#3, kristen schaal, lil gideon, mabel, mabel pines, magic, manly dan, mcgucket, mystery shack, old man mcgucket, pacifica, pacifica northwest, princess celestabellebethabelle, quest, sheriff blubs, soos, stanford pines, stanley pines, television review, tourist trap, tv review, tyler cutebiker, unicorn, weird al yankovic, wendy, wendy corderoy

If you’re new to the blog or just want to revisit from the beginning, click HERE to read the review for “Tourist Trapped”.

Previously on Gravity Falls: Dipper and Mabel have learned that their family tree extends a bit further than they thought when Grunkle Stan returns the Author of the Journals and his long-lost twin brother the REAL Stanford Pines (“Ford” for short) from a distant dimension. There’s little cause to celebrate, however, since their reunion has brought old tensions to the surface. Dipper wants nothing more than to pick the Author’s brain but Mabel fears that this could be the beginning of the end for the Mystery Twins’ perfect sibling relationship, just like how it was for Stan and Ford. There’s no way one could lead to the other though, right…?

So it looks like things are settling back into how they used to be. Dipper’s got his head in the Journals, and Grunkle Stan and Mabel are hanging around doing their favorite activity together, absolutely nothing.

Then Ford emerges from his lab tackling a blood-sucking octopi-Cyclops.

As you do.

Ford subdues the creature and turns down Dipper’s offer to help dispose of it before returning to the basement. Stan warns Dipper to stay away from his brother and his crazy dangerous shenanigans, something that Dipper simply can’t do now that the Author of the Journals is living in their own home; not even Mabel planning a viewing party for Ducktective’s season finale can distract him from his thirst for answers.

Gravity Falls Review: “A Tale of Two Stans” (S02E12)

Tags

adventure, alex hirsch, bill cipher, bud gleeful, candy, cartoon review, deputy durland, dipper, dipper pines, Disney, disney review, election, fiddleford mcgucket, ford pines, gideon gleeful, gravity falls, gravity falls review, grenda, grunkle stan, jason ritter, journal, journal 3, journal#3, kristen schaal, lil gideon, mabel, mabel pines, magic, manly dan, mcgucket, mystery shack, old man mcgucket, pacifica, pacifica northwest, princess celestabellebethabelle, quest, sheriff blubs, soos, stanford pines, stanley pines, television review, tourist trap, tv review, tyler cutebiker, unicorn, wendy, wendy corderoy

If you’re new to the blog or just want to revisit from the beginning, click HERE to read the review for “Tourist Trapped”.

BE WARNED – THIS IS A MAJOR EPISODE AND THERE WILL BE SPOILERS.

Gravity Falls Review: Not What He Seems (S02E11)

Tags

adventure, alex hirsch, bill cipher, bud gleeful, candy, cartoon review, deputy durland, dipper, dipper pines, Disney, disney review, election, fiddleford mcgucket, ford pines, gideon gleeful, gravity falls, gravity falls review, grenda, grunkle stan, jason ritter, journal, journal 3, journal#3, kristen schaal, lil gideon, mabel, mabel pines, magic, manly dan, mcgucket, mystery shack, old man mcgucket, pacifica, pacifica northwest, princess celestabellebethabelle, quest, sheriff blubs, soos, stanford pines, stanley pines, television review, tourist trap, tv review, tyler cutebiker, unicorn, wendy, wendy corderoy

If you’re new to the blog or just want to revisit from the beginning, click HERE to read the review for “Tourist Trapped”.

BE WARNED – THIS IS A MAJOR EPISODE AND THERE WILL BE SPOILERS.

Previously on Gravity Falls:Dipper and Mabel Pines have been spending the summer in Gravity Falls, a place where the supernatural is a daily occurrence and their Grunkle Stanford Pines runs a tourist trap called the Mystery Shack…during daytime hours. After dark Stan has been working on a giant machine deep within the Mystery Shack, one that’s been hinted at in the enigmatic Journal written by an anonymous Author and kept by Dipper. As for its purpose who can say, but as Stan comes closer to fulfilling his goal, the authorities – and the countdown to doomsday – are closing in…

Night has fallen on Gravity Falls, and once again Stan is hard at work with his portal. While flipping though his Journal, he skims over a warning that overusage could lead to gravitational anomalies and endanger the area. But Stan’s come too far to give up now. The portal is ready at last. He activates it, briefly causing everyone and everything in Gravity Falls to levitate as they slumber, and the countdown begins:

Within eighteen hours, the world will be changed forever.

…Special abbreviated intro time!