For those who don’t know, Escape From Vault Disney is hosted by Tony Goldmark, whose work I’m a big fan of. EFVD’s Randomizer saw fit to bestow upon him, hilarious person Ryan Hipp, massively-smarter-than-the-material-given Haley Baker Callahan, and myself the NatGeo special Viking Warrior Women. It’s…not as exciting as it sounds, but we had a hell of a time talking about it.
Micah Hirsch, the internet’s biggest Emperor’s New Groove fan, brought me on to discuss an episode of the animated spinoff series, The Emperor’s New School, with Land Before Time-Land co-host Madeline Maye and gaming streamer DGil. Listen in awe as we ramble on about carnivals, Kuzco’s ego, and how much fun Patrick Warburton’s screams are.
Tony, Micah, thanks for having me on your shows! See you guys tomorrow when I drop the next Faerie Tale Theatre review!
November’s just getting started but you know what that means – the floor is once again open to voting for Christmas-themed reviews! Visit the Christmas Shelf to see what shorts, specials and movies you can vote for. Pick one of each and let me know in the comments or by emailing me at upontheshelfshow@gmail.com before November 25th. The winners with the most votes will be reviewed all throughout December (never fear, the next Faerie Tale Theatre review will still be up on December 6th).
Hi, I know I promised the Fievel Goes West review would be out today, but between revisions, discussions with my agent and editor, and preparations for my cousin’s out-of-state wedding, I wasn’t able to get it ready in time. Here’s a free sneak preview of the opening on my Patreon to make up for it. Apologies, and I’ll see you soon.
“Okay, so my latest writers’ conference is done as well as that umpteenth shower and birthday, I’ve got the Song of the Sea review ready, so all that’s left is to whip out the last three paragraphs of the Ratatouille review and finally post it as well as make headway with Faerie Tale Theatre -”
“…”
“Bob? Whatcha got there?”
“An email about your latest book query.”
“Don’t tell me, ‘Thank you but it’s not a good fit, you’ll find an agent who matches your writing elsewhere’?”
“They want the book.”
“…say what?”
“They enjoyed the book and are offering you representation! You got an agent! Do you know what this means?! Shelf…you’re on your way to being published!”
Guys, this is big. Really big. Not so big that the world is sunshine and rainbows but enough to validate me running around the house like Kevin doing my best excited Kermit imitation. How did this come about? Back in June, Cindy Bullard of Birch Literary liked a pitch I made for my book through #PitMad. For those of you who don’t know, it’s a day-long event on Twitter where authors advertise their unpublished stories for that one in a million chance that an agent or editor will notice them and want to sign them on. Since an agent liking a pitch means you get the ok to query them, I went ahead and did so but didn’t expect much of a response. Much like Shrek, I thought love and getting an agent through PitMad were only true in fairy tales, meant for someone else but not for me. But then I saw her email and now I’m a believer.
I’ve queried my books on my own for at least four years now and have had nothing to show for it, but an agent means you’ve got your foot in the door. An agent means people are open to seeing what you’ve got. Now, it could take weeks to get a publisher, it could take months, it could be even longer than that, but for the first time in ages, I’m highly optimistic about my future as a writer and illustrator in my chosen field. I’ve turned a corner and the road ahead seems clearer than ever.
Ratatouille will be served in a day or so. Until then…I GOT AN AGENT YAAAAAAAY!!!
Hi everyone! I hope you’re having a great summer so far! You’ve told me about what movies you want me to finally take a look at yourselves, so we’ll be taking a break from the voting system and celebrating six years of Up On The Shelf with a pre-chosen review party that’s going to be over a year long! I want to thank everyone who’s supported the blog for this long by sharing how the new review schedule looks for the time being, as well as who requested what. Mark your calendars and rev up your streaming service/media player of choice, because here’s how things are going down:
January ’23: The Little Mermaid (Ben Walderberger)
I’d like to add that in addition to these film reviews, I’ll be posting a review of every episode of Shelley Duvall’s Faerie Tale Theatre each month. Expect the first shortly after this August’s review is done. See you then!
Hi everyone, I hope you’re having a great summer and –
Yeah, it has been a while, hasn’t it?
First off, I’m completely vaccinated and feeling great. I still recommend wearing a mask out and getting vaccinated if you haven’t already for your safety and the safety of everyone else around you, especially in light of the delta variant of the virus going around.
I took part in a citywide live art demonstration where I painted in public – a invigorating creativity, morale, and exposure booster, I must say – and I got paid handsomely for it.
I’ve found some new critique partners and revised some of my children’s books manuscripts enough to query them again while also starting some new ones. Speaking of, I’d also to talk more about children’s books in general, and I put some things into motion where I may be doing that soon in a somewhat different format. Stay tuned for more updates…
And hey, ever wanted to hear what I sound like AND listen to me rip on a really obscure and garishly bizarre infomercial for Gymboree with a bunch of hilarious, cynical podcasters? Well now you can thanks to Channel KRT, an amazing entertaining podcast where the strange and esoteric media from your childhood are brought to light whether you want it or not. They invited me to appear on this episode after tracking down the Gymboree tape and I had a hell of a time recording with them. Kit, Randee, Tyler, thanks again for having me on and for letting me plug the blog. Click HERE to listen to us alternate between laughing and cringing at “Gymboree: Play With a Purpose”, and please support these guys any way you can if you’re able. They are the best.
But on to the matter at hand. The fifth anniversary review is almost done, and I don’t feel like keeping you in suspense anymore as to what it will be. It’s a movie that means a lot to me from a personal and creative standpoint, one that’s a feast for the eyes and soul and a source of inspiration when it comes to creating art – and shaping criticism.
Bon appetit.
What does this mean for the sixth anniversary though? Well, instead of reviewing just another movie to mark the occasion, I’m expanding this party to the rest of the year – and to all of you. To all my loyal followers and commenters – and curious newcomers – pick one movie that’s On The Shelf, one you always wanted me to take a look at but haven’t gotten to yet, let me know in the comments or via email before July 30th, and I will review them all one by one! I will also finally be getting around to reviewing all of Faerie Tale Theatre soon after the Ratatouille review is released, and I’m very excited for that.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to celebrate the fourth the only way I know how –
By hiding away in my room trying desperately to ignore the constant ear-splitting barrage of the neighbors’ fireworks and my family telling me that I can go to Saudi Arabia if I hate the damn holiday so much. Toodles!
“Well, I finally got that Home Alone review done. Time to work on the fifth anniversary review -”
“Quick reminder, Shelf, you’ve got that big writers and illustrators’ conference in a couple of weeks. I’m sure you’re already well prepared for it though, no worries.”
“…”
Several weeks later…
“Ok, conference is done. Now to get to writing that -”
“Hey Shelf, how’s that next Krimson Rogue video review you’re editing coming along? Isn’t that due really soon?”
“…”
Several MORE weeks later…
“You know, I feel like there’s a project I should be working on, but for the life of me, I can’t remember what. Oh well, let’s see how the blog’s doing. It’s certainly been a while since -”
“Ahoy-hoy? *GASP* My dad’s friend from his video store days got friendly with a producer? He wants ME to design their movie pitch deck?! Sign me up!!”
ANOTHER several more weeks later…
“…Did I use to write my own blog or was that some sort of hallucination from being stuck in quarantine so long?”
“Ahoy-hoy? *GASP* My dad’s friend’s producer pal loved my pitch so much he showed it to another producer he knows? HE loved it so much he wants ME to design one for him too?! LET’S ROLL!!”
You get the drill…
“Hmm, this “Up On The Shelf” is a cute little blog. Shame it’s been forever since a review was posted. I wonder who…ohhhhhhhhhhhh.”
The short answer to your question: Yes, I’m still working on the fifth anniversary review. I know I keep flaking on my own deadlines but it will be up before the SIXTH anniversary comes around, I swear. I’m working as hard as I can when I’m able. Hey, it’s not like I’ve been spending my free time bingeing The Muppet Show and Wandavision, crushing Pikmin 3, and counting down the days ’til I get vaccinated, heh heh heh…
Anyway, stay safe, keep those hands washed and masks on even after you get your shot(s), and I’ll see you all soon.
I expected that once this day would come, I’d feel overwhelming joy, that’d I cry tears of happiness mixed with pent-up sorrow over the needless loss and suffering of the past four years.
Instead I felt…relief.
A quiet, calm unobtrusive sense of relief washing over me and taking every bit of fear and anger with it.
And it felt just as good.
The terror of tomorrow, the fury of injustice and helplessness that burrowed into my heart has been uprooted. From out of the hole rise hope’s repressed seeds, released at long last, ready to embrace the world.
All of our problems won’t be resolved overnight. There’s a lot of work to be done, a lot of damage to repair. The answer, however, has always rested with us. It’s good to know that, after experiencing the worst, we won’t let it happen again so easily, not as long as we’re vigilant, wise and compassionate. By placing our faith and trust into caring, capable hands, we make that start. We hold them accountable so they can hold others accountable. We stand together so no one will perish alone again.
Tonight, however, we celebrate, and rest.
I love each and every one of you. I hope you have the best night’s sleep you’ve had in four years. I wish you peace, happiness, and above all, relief and release.
Look, it’s pointless to reiterate how much of a colossal trainwreck it was. We’re all eager to move on and embrace all the hope and possibilities that 2021 has to offer, and this blog is no exception. Despite my schedule clearing up so suddenly early on, I got nowhere near as much writing done here as I hoped I would. Hell, it took me five days after New Years Day just to finish this. I feel like I’ve done more apologizing for running late than I’ve done any actual posting and I can’t…well, apologize enough for that. I was hit with a perfect storm of burnout, writers’ block, pressure, other responsibilities and general anxiety about my health, my family’s health, and the state of the world almost simultaneously, and it wrecked most of my plans for what was supposed to be the blog’s big fifth year.
And yet, despite every nervous cell in my brain telling me I wasn’t going to make it, here I am.
Here we are.
We made it.
We (barely) survived Coronavirus with a vaccine now on the way. We (barely) got through four years of Trump and utterly squashed the threat of four more. I taught an art class and fully developed two children’s books while getting started on several more. I bounced back into video editing. I even helped edit a podcast (Channel KRT, please check them out). Hamilton came to Disney+. Animal Crossing returned with an adorable wholesome vengeance as did Pikmin and apparently Pokemon Snap very soon. We got a kickass Princess Bride reunion/cast reading. TikTok actually spawned something creative and positive in the fan-made Ratatouille musical. People from across the globe banded together to fight racism. Thanks to Zoom I’m closer than ever to family and friends whom I haven’t spoken to in years. For all the overwhelming bad that 2020 brought to our doorstep, it brought a surprising amount of good with it, too.
And despite the false starts and panicking and chronic lateness, you stuck with me throughout it. Amelia, Gordhan, Sam, I have no words to properly convey my thanks for giving me the financial support I needed. And to everyone else who read and commented and liked what I had to say about random movies, I appreciate your readership and encouragement. Thank you.
Of course, I know the real reason why you’re here, to read silly summations of everything I reviewed in 2020! Yes, I promised I’d make that a yearly tradition, and it’s one I intend to keep. I’m also going to be sharing my plans for 2021 and one more bit of pleasant news that helped 2020 end on a personal high note. So stick around, because it’s time for Return of The Poorly Explained Movie (and Holiday Shorts/TV Episode) Plots!
Hi everyone! I’ve been hard at work on the reviews for December when I hit a crossroads concerning a certain character who’s popped up more than once (hint: he’s mean, he’s orange, and he’s due to be homeless by January). Without going into too much details, a recurring joke I had planned for him which fit in rather nicely with the short I’m reviewing spiraled into something of a sendoff for the character. I knew I wanted to “fire” him after the election, and what I had in mind was nothing short of apropos (and more than a little cathartic). Then I had second thoughts: since what happens to him is a subversion of what I’m reviewing, would it be too mean-spirited, even for a monster like him? I made a poll to gauge your opinions on whether or not I should keep what I had planned in the review or just leave him out altogether. Click HERE to learn more and let me know what you think. I’ll see you in December, and I hope you have a happy and safe Thanksgiving.
(If you don’t have a Patreon, just leave your choice in the comments.)
Up On The Shelf 