Faerie Tale Theatre: The Ultimate Episode Ranking

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So, we’ve come to the end of this years-long Faerie Tale Theatre retrospective, my friends. It’s been quite a ride. Unlike most big Hollywood collaborations, Faerie Tale Theatre wasn’t a vanity project or a corporate mandate driven by synergistic greed, but a labor of love from start to finish. There’s been highs and lows, but I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t any passion put into every minute of it. If the acting isn’t magnetizing and subtle, then it’s entertainingly over-the-top. And the idea of basing the production design off famous illustrators and works of art is a masterstroke, branding every episode with a unique identity. Many of the entries provide an entertaining fairy tale alternative to Disney; others you can derive pleasure from the camp value, nostalgia, or the recognizable names involved.

Will time be as kind to Faerie Tale Theatre as it has been to many products of the 1980s? Who can say? I’ve already touched on how the age is beginning to show in some aspects (namely the special effects and some enforced heteronormativity). But a good work, while not free from criticism, can still stand strong regardless. New generations have already begun to discover this series, whether it’s through their parents, a casual find on the internet, or through youtubers reacting to episodes and reviewing them, some of which I found quite entertaining.

Two qualities that routinely define my favorite pieces of media – be it film, plays, television, etc. – is whether the work in question has grown and changed as I’ve continued to mature, and if I can find something new with every viewing. I’m delighted to say that Faerie Tale Theatre boasted both these qualities in spades during my revisit, and I can proudly declare without irony or fear of ridicule that it is now one of my favorite shows of all time. It reminds viewers that fairy tales aren’t just for children and shouldn’t be classified as such, but can still give older viewers the same feelings of wonder, terror, and cheer that they had experiencing these stories in their childhood.

Reviewing these episodes have been a thrill, and ranking them hasn’t been easy. Some of the assigned places will come as no surprise to you, some will inspire rage, but each one includes a summation of my feelings and a link to the whole review for you to peruse. Feel free to share in the comments what your favorite episode is, and how much of this list I got completely wrong.

Shall we begin?

26. Rapunzel
Aired: February 5, 1983
Director: Gilbert Cates
Starring: Shelley Duvall, Jeff Bridges, Gena Rowlands. Narrated by Roddy McDowell.

Shelf’s Thoughts: What a shame the beautiful Gustav Klimt-inspired costumes and sets are wasted on such a lackluster outing. The terrible pacing and unpleasant scenes of the Witch realistically abusing Rapunzel make this one a slog to get through. Not even The Dude can save it.

25. Hansel and Gretel
Aired: December 5, 1983
Director: James Frawley
Starring: Joan Collins, Ricky Schroder, Bridgette Andersen, Paul Dooley

Shelf’s Thoughts: This bleak retelling will have you rooting for The Witch, and not just because Joan Collins is having a ball in the part. Her double-casting as the nasty stepmother will leave you wondering what the children’s spineless father sees in her. Despite the promise of a happy ending, there’s a lack of charm to the proceedings that doesn’t make it worth sitting through the misery – but then again, it’s easy to lose all charm when you have a future defender of a racist murderer as one of your leads.

24. Rumplestiltskin
Aired: October 16, 1982
Director: Emile Ardolino
Starring: Shelley Duvall, Herve Villechaize, Ned Beatty, Paul Dooley

Shelf’s Thoughts: A serviceable retelling with nothing outstandingly good or bad that sets it apart from the rest in this series. Duvall’s charming lead hearkens back to the pre-Renaissance Disney Princesses, and she serves as a decent foil to Herve Villechaize’s brusque, demanding imp.

23. Goldilocks and the Three Bears
Aired: January 9, 1984
Director: Gilbert Cates
Starring: Tatum O’Neal, Hoyt Axton, Alex Karras, John Lithgow, Carole King

Shelf’s Thoughts: This outing is largely forgettable but not without some charm. If you’ve been waiting for Goldilocks get some proper comeuppance and character growth after a century of escaping punishment for her actions, you won’t be disappointed. The friendship she winds up forming with the Bears is surprisingly sweet. Axton’s dry, wannabe-noir detective narration provides the perfect juxtaposition to the whimsical happenings onscreen.

22. Beauty and the Beast
Aired: August 13, 1984
Director: Roger Vadim
Starring: Susan Sarandon, Klaus Kinski, Anjelica Houston

Shelf’s Thoughts: This is a well-intentioned homage to the Jean Cocteau film that inspired so many Beauty and the Beast adaptations going forward. The cinematography can be quite pretty at times. Unfortunately, in remaking this specific version, it highlights the flaws and accusations of Stockholm Syndrome that have plagued the fairy tale for years. The casting of notorious abuser Klaus Kinski as the Beast does not help either. At least Susan Sarandon’s Beauty has slightly more backbone than any incarnation of the character who isn’t animated by Disney.

21. Little Red Riding Hood
Aired: November 10, 1983
Director: Graeme Clifford
Starring: Mary Steenburgen, Malcolm McDowell, Frances Bay, John Vernon, Diane Ladd, Darrell Larson

Shelf’s Thoughts: The attempt to flesh out the protagonist’s home life beyond wolf encounters and visits to Granny is commendable, but not executed very well. Vernon and Ladd as “Little Red’s” overbearing father and Stepford Wife-esque mother gave me flashbacks to Rapunzel’s abuse. McDowell’s Wolf, on the other hand, is a scenery-chewing delight, to say nothing of Bay playing a feisty grandmother thirteen years before Happy Gilmore.

20. The Little Mermaid
Aired: April 6, 1987
Director: Robert Iscove
Starring: Pam Dawber, Treat Williams, Helen Mirren, Karen Black, Brian Dennehy, Laraine Newman, Donna McKechnie

Shelf’s Thoughts: Perhaps the last adaptation of the fairy tale that keeps Andersen’s bittersweet ending, meaning the underlying tragedy might make this one a difficult watch. That’s not to say the actors don’t give it one-hundred percent, even when having to deal with the relatively shrinking budget as the series nears its conclusion.

19. The Snow Queen
Aired: March 11, 1985
Director: Peter Medak
Starring: Melissa Gilbert, Lee Remick, Lance Kerwin, Mary Jackson, Lauren Hutton, Linda Manz, Bobby Porter, David Hemmings. Narrated by Shelley Duvall.

Shelf’s Thoughts: Though a more faithful adaptation than Frozen, it takes a few interesting turns that foreshadow the Disney hit, such as making the icy monarch a misunderstood good guy. Sad to say our heroine has far less chemistry with her petulant boyfriend than she does with the robber girl who aids her on her mission to rescue him. That’s the real gay romance the Frozen fans have been waiting for.

18. The Emperor’s New Clothes
Aired: October 5, 1985
Director: Peter Medak
Starring: Dick Shawn, Art Carney, Alan Arkin, Barrie Ingham, Clive Revill, Georgia Brown. Narrated by Timothy Dalton.

Shelf’s Thoughts: The one thing keeping this tale from a higher spot on this list is how clearly the source material is stretched out to pad the runtime. It slows the momentum despite being chock-full of comic pedigrees. There is something to be said, however, about the French Revolution-era inspired wardrobes as a perfect thematic tie-in to this sartorial satire.

17. Jack and the Beanstalk
Aired: September 8, 1983
Director: Lamont Johnson
Starring: Elliot Gould, Dennis Christopher, Jean Stapleton, Katherine Helmond, Mark Blankfield

Shelf’s Thoughts: Has the most pantomime/school play feel out of all the episodes, thanks to a healthy combination of earnest acting and cheap visuals. Credit where it’s due, the perspective tricks in the Giant’s castle work, and Jean Stapleton, while not utilized nearly as well as her turn in Cinderella, is a welcome presence.

16. Thumbelina
Aired: June 11, 1984
Director: Michael Lindsay-Hogg
Starring: Carrie Fisher, Burgess Meredith, William Katt, Concetta Farrell

Shelf’s Thoughts: Carrie Fisher’s charm and spirit shines in this outing. She is the best thing about it hands down. Though a considerable amount of effort was put into the makeup and puppetry this time around, it doesn’t make her animal suitors any less unnerving. The same goes for the repetitive storyline of her escaping one arranged marriage after another.

15. The Dancing Princesses
Aired: November 14, 1987
Director: Peter Medak
Starring: Roy Dotrice, Peter Weller, Lesley Ann Warren, Zelda Rubinstein, Ian Abercrombie

Shelf’s Thoughts: If you love Pride and Prejudice, then you’ll get a kick out of the crackling tension between our hero and wily heroine. Emphasis is put on the princesses’ personalities and the reason behind their dances in secret, elevating the proceedings into a family drama as well as a feminist reading of the original story.

14. The Nightingale
Aired: May 10, 1983
Director: Ivan Passer
Starring: Shelley Duvall, Mick Jagger, Barbara Hershey, Edward James Olmos, Bud Cort, Mako

Shelf’s Thoughts: The amount of actors in yellowface does unfortunately render this episode problematic, yet if you’re able to look past it, it’s still a lovely adaptation of Hans Christian Andersen’s beautiful fable. Mick Jagger as a cold, sheltered Emperor who slowly learns compassion sounds ridiculous in theory, but works surprisingly well in practice.

13. Rip Van Winkle
Aired: March 23, 1987
Director: Francis Ford Coppola
Starring: Harry Dean Stanton, Talia Shire, Roy Dotrice, Ed Begley Jr., Tim Conway, Albert Hague, John P. Ryan

Shelf’s Thoughts: Though the episode moves at a sleepy pace befitting the title character, Francis Ford Coppola and his behind-the-scenes team ensure that every moment is dripping in atmosphere. The vibrant colors and stage-like scenery make this the most beautifully surreal entry in the entire series.

12. The Princess Who Had Never Laughed
Aired: August 11, 1986
Director: Mark Cullingham
Starring: Howie Mandel, Ellen Barkin, Howard Hesseman, Michael Tucci, Sofia Coppola, Barrie Ingham, Maurice LaMarche, Jackie Vernon. Narrated by William Daniels.

Shelf’s Thoughts: This largely original tale expands heavily upon the motif of royals in need of laughter, and is much more engaging as a result. Not only are we treated to witty banter by some talented comedians, but we get a good story about how humor can overcome boundaries and assist in coping with tragedy.

11. Pinocchio
Aired: May 14, 1984
Director: Peter Medak
Starring: Paul Reubens, Carl Reiner, Lainie Kazan, James Coburn, Jim Belushi, Michael Richards, Vincent Schiavelli, Avery Schriber. Narrated by Don Novello.

Shelf’s Thoughts: Paul Reubens playing the titular role as his Pee-Wee persona may just be the greatest casting decision in the entire series’ run. While the rest of the ensemble is wonderful, too, the episode itself lingers in the looming shadow of Disney’s famous adaptation. It does little to differentiate itself from the classic film or Collodi’s episodic novel. Pinocchio’s tribulations become too repetitive as a result, like unraveling a big cable knit sweater that someone keeps knitting, and knitting, and knitting…

10. Puss in Boots
Aired: September 9, 1985
Director: Robert Iscove
Starring: Ben Vereen, Gregory Hines, Alfre Woodard, Brock Peters, George Kirby. Narrated by Shelley Duvall.

Shelf’s Thoughts: Ten years before HBO’s Happily Ever After mastered the art of BIPOC casting in fairytales, there was this episode of Faerie Tale Theatre. The enchanting cast, armed with a witty script by The Phantom Tollbooth’s Jules Feiffer, flaunt their footwear – and lack of restraint – in style.

9. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
Aired: July 16, 1984
Director: Peter Medak
Starring: Vincent Price, Vanessa Redgrave, Elizabeth McGovern, Tony Cox, Phil Fondacaro, Peter Risch, Kevin Thompson, Lou Carry, Billy Curtis, Daniel Frishman, Rex Smith, Michael Preston, Shelley Duvall

Shelf’s Thoughts: Though the comparisons to Disney’s Snow White are inevitable, Faerie Tale Theatre’s Snow White has plenty of charm to burn. More time is given to the princess’ burgeoning friendship with her seven companions, and the prince gets a modicum of personality for once. Redgrave’s hammy, narcissistic queen and Price as the snarky Magic Mirror are the real scene-stealers, however.

8. The Boy Who Left Home To Find Out About The Shivers
Aired: September 17, 1984
Director: Graeme Clifford
Starring: Peter MacNicol, Christopher Lee, Dana Hill, David Warner, Frank Zappa. Narrated by Vincent Price.

Shelf’s Thoughts: While this episode could easily frighten younger viewers, our titular hero makes a great case for finding the funny side in everyday fears. The casting of renowned horror alums Christopher Lee and Vincent Price turns this into something of a long-lost Hammer Horror film, with all the wonderfully spooky cliches and atmosphere inherent to the subgenre. It’s a must-view for the Halloween season.

7. The Pied Piper of Hamelin
Aired: April 5, 1985
Director: Nicholas Meyer
Starring: Eric Idle, Tony Van Bridge, Keram Malicki-Sánchez. Narrated by Eric Idle.

Shelf’s Thoughts: Brilliantly told entirely in rhyme using Robert Browning’s poem as the foundation, this Pied Piper doesn’t shy away from the darker themes or bittersweet ending of the original tale. Eric Idle’s break from comedic typecasting is a revelation. He may have been a last-minute replacement for David Bowie, but that makes his dramatic turn as the enigmatic Piper even more powerful.

6. The Three Little Pigs
Aired: February 12, 1985
Director: Howard Storm
Starring: Jeff Goldblum, Billy Crystal, Fred Willard, Stephen Furst, Valerie Perrine, Doris Roberts

Shelf’s Thoughts: Easily one of the funniest outings in the series’ run. Everyone onscreen embraces the material without a scrap of irony, and the episode is better for it. Jeff Goldblum in particular holds his own against our porky trio in ham-to-ham combat. Also, the moments of mature humor sneaked in will entertain the adults just as much as (if not more than) the children.

5. The Tale of the Frog Prince
Aired: September 11, 1982
Director: Eric Idle
Starring: Robin Williams, Terri Garr, Rene Auberjonois, Michael Richards. Narrated by Eric Idle.

Shelf’s Thoughts: The first episode, and the one that best shows what Faerie Tale Theatre is, warts and all. If Robin Williams and Teri Garr bantering with each other wasn’t enough, the cheeky wit and dialogue has Eric Idle’s fingerprints all over it. Charming and hilarious throughout, it’s a fantastic beginning to this series.

4. Sleeping Beauty
Aired: July 7, 1983
Director: Jeremy Kagan
Starring: Christopher Reeve, Bernadette Peters, Beverly D’Angelo, Carol Kane

Shelf’s Thoughts: While some choices like the Tchaikovsky underscoring and the fiery climactic battle draw direct parallels to Disney’s iconic version of the story, this episode stands on its own two feet thanks to its ingenious casting and some creative additions to the plot. When it comes to choosing actors to portray a princess worth fighting for and the perfect Prince Charming, you can’t get much better than Bernadette Peters and Superman himself, Christopher Reeve. They even double as their characters’ ignoble doppelgängers (a scheming seductress and a vain dandy) to a chameleonic degree. Plus, the setting change to Russia allows for some of the most gorgeous costumes and scenery in the series. Without a doubt this is one of Faerie Tale Theatre’s crown jewels.

3. Cinderella
Aired: August 8, 1985
Director: Mark Cullingham
Starring: Jennifer Beals, Matthew Broderick, Jean Stapleton, Eve Arden, Edie McClurg

Shelf’s Thoughts: An easy answer for which is the fan-favorite episode of Faerie Tale Theatre. This straightforward rendition of the Cinderella tale boasts an enchanting romance, a delightfully catty stepfamily, one of the sweetest fairy godmothers in the form of Jean Stapleton, and reminds us that kindness and inner strength will help us persevere through the worst of times.

2. Aladdin and His Wonderful Lamp
Aired: July 14, 1986
Director: Tim Burton
Starring: James Earl Jones, Leonard Nimoy, Robert Carradine, Valerie Bertinelli

Shelf’s Thoughts: This Arabian Nights escapade gets by on those classic Tim Burton vibes – and no small amount of ham from James Earl Jones and Leonard Nimoy. It sets the stage for the Disney animated film, and the scenery and Sultan’s playthings foretell Burton’s future in the macabre and whimsical.

1. The Princess and the Pea
Aired: April 16, 1984
Director: Tony Bill
Starring: Liza Minnelli, Tom Conti, Beatrice Straight, Tim Kazurinski, Pat McCormick

Shelf’s Thoughts: One of the shortest fairy tales in Andersen’s canon is enhanced with the rom-com treatment, and it works better than you can imagine. Imagine a classic Howard Hawkes screwball romp shot in color. Filled with mirth, warmth, sweet romance, and stylish Beardsely-inspired visuals from beginning to end, Faerie Tale Theatre’s The Princess and the Pea will leave you with a smile every time you revisit it.

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Thank you for reading! This is the end of the Faerie Tale Theatre review saga, and I believe it ended as happily as happily ever after can be. Some of you have requested that I look at Shelley Duvall’s other anthology series, as well as Jim Henson’s The Storyteller and the series I referenced the most while writing these reviews, HBO’s Happily Ever After: Fairy Tales for Every Child. I’m seriously considering it, but for now I’ll be taking some time to focus on my schoolwork and maybe make some headway with that long list movie review requests I let everyone make back when I thought I could get them all done in one year (bad, bad Shelf, never write checks your blog can’t cash). Thanks for your patience during the schedule slips, your comments sharing your FTT memories and encouragement, and just being there throughout this odd little nostalgic odyssey. Special thanks to my Patreon pals Amelia Jones, Sam Flemming, and Robert Barnette, who got to see this ranking one week early as well as sneak peeks of my other reviews. Anyone who joins the Patreon party can request movie reviews, get extra poll votes, sneak peeks and more! Until next time, demand Ceasefire now, enjoy some chocolate, hug your favorite family member, and I hope you live happily ever after too.